WIAW: Truth AND Dare

First, I want to thank you guys SO much for all the heart-warming comments you left on yesterday’s post. I feel better since “coming out” with my struggle on body image and it really helps knowing that I have not only your support, but your empathy and encouragement as well!

And second, Happy Wednesday!

WIAW Teal

Be sure to head on over to Peas & Crayons for this week’s foodie celebration!

Now normally, I would flood your computer screen with eats from the previous week…salacious salads and all kinds of other foodporn, but unfortunately this week, I’ve got nothing. Instead of dancing around the truth, sweeping the crumbs under the rug, and basically hiding from shame, I’m just gonna come out with it.

This is what last week looked like in terms of food…

CerealCookiesTrail MixPopcornGraham Crackers & Peanut ButterPeanut ButterAll while sitting in the floor of my pantry.

I had a cookie…and then another…and the next thing I know, HALF the package was gone and I was covered in crumbs. I was overcome by stress and battling insomnia. I was looking for comfort. But as I reached for that cookie, I told myself I was weak. I knew a binge was coming but instead of facing my fears, I let it consume me. I binged on foods that I kept telling myself were “junk” (except for the peanut butter) and because I felt like I’d lost my willpower, the trust I had in myself around these kinds of foods vanished. Yes, I could have just packed them up in a box and hid them from myself or thrown them all in the trash, but you know what?

That would have solved absolutely nothing.

It would only have perpetuated the power that these foods have over me. Food is NOT the enemy and this is NOT an issue of willpower. That package of cream-filled crack (holy mother of discount) cookies does not want to make me fat and pre-diabetic. I know not everyone out there has a problem with binge-eating, but I do know that there are quite a few people who won’t allow themselves to have certain foods because they don’t trust themselves. But the real problem is not the food at all…it’s the mindset behind the food. There is no good and no bad food…there is no reason to feel guilty for craving certain things and enjoying them…as long as they make you happy.

So today, I DARE you…

Have a cookie…eat some ice cream…dip a spoon into the peanut butter jar…or have that slice of pizza. Eat something you love but wouldn’t normally have and SAVOR it. Soak in all the happiness and excitement behind the taste of that food. Take the fear away, and gain back the trust in yourself.

What food would you chose for your dare?

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36 Responses to WIAW: Truth AND Dare

  1. calee says:

    I. Love. You.

    Check out Amanda (semihealthnut)’s post today. You both have a similar message.

    I had a week like this last week, except my issue isn’t with junk. It’s with all the foods that I’m allergic to that I’ve had to restrict because … duh, I’m allergic to them. It started when I won a case of Justin’s nut butter and figured that I’d have the willpower to give it all away. I didn’t. And I ate SO MUCH OF IT. And I am paying for it now. I’ve been sick all week. :( Dammit. It stinks too because I have to have restricted foods now, which is total bullshit after having the whole wide world of food open up to me after years of dieting.

    BULLSHIT I tell ya. Bullshit.

    Also, I found that my ability to overcome junk food binges came along when I realized (and preached to others!) that NO food is junk food. There are nutrient-dense foods and nutrient-poor foods. Giving a negative name like “junk” to food just enhances its power over you (or at least over me). I like to fill my day with nutrient-dense foods, because I know that I will feel better if I do that. But if I have a bunch of nutrient poor foods, I’ll feel like crap later, and that’s okay (sometimes …). I haven’t had a binge in so long because I figured out that this is how things work in my head.

    However. allergies. fuck allergies. seriously. Last binge I had was allergy-related (of course). I would murder somebody for a slice of pizza, spaghetti and meatballs, mexican food, or anything else that’s delicious because I’m probably allergic to it. Went for pizza and got a non-red sauce, and it wasn’t the same, so instead of having the 1-2 slices like I usually would, I ate more than half of the large sized pizza!

    I seriously feel like we need to catch up. Here’s a Q: how far away from Louisville, KY are you? I’m going to be down there in late October for work (flying, so I won’t have a vehicle unfortunately) and typically have quite a bit of downtime.

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      What the eff, girl?! I knew you had the gluten intolerance, but almonds and what, tomatoes too?! Omg, I think my heart just broke! I never even THOUGHT about how it must feel to those out there who CAN’T have certain things. The only allergy I have is to kiwi and while I do (or did) really like it, it doesn’t really pop up on the menu regularly.

      I think a lot of my problem comes from not only having the guilt of the good vs bad thing (which I’ve been working on for a while now, made a lot of progress and now am right back where I freaking started), but also how I interpret the way the nutrient-poor foods make me feel. Like I find it so hard to just shrug it off when I CHOSE to eat something that I WANT and then it makes me sick. All of a sudden I feel like a failure, like I KNEW the food was gonna make me sick and ate it anyway when I didn’t know! I beat myself up for making the choice to eat it because I “should have known better”…I know, I’m a nutcase!

      I’m about 3 hours from Louisville, but Brittany (Delights and Delectables) lives there and we’ve been wanting to meet up…mayyyyyyybe we can work something out! Just let me know the dates so I can see if I can make it happen! And hey, maybe you can meet the man-friend! 😉

  2. I so agree with treating youself! When you put too much pressure to be “perfect” that’s when you go diving off into the deep end.

    If I could have any treat… it would be a glas (or 3) of red wine and my favorite flourless chocolate cake from my favorite local Italian place.

  3. I have gone through so many phases with my ED and binge-eating habits. At one point, I was rock solid and wouldn’t even touch “bad” foods. Then it got to the point where I couldn’t keep it around because I has denied myself for too long and would just binge. When I started my recovery, I started keeping fear foods in the house again. I would eat them when I wanted and not binge. Then something snapped in me and I started eating everything in the house again, so I’m back to where I started. I want to badly just to trust myself but it is really hard at the moment. Thank you for being so open and honest. It gives me the courage to try again :)

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      “Then something snapped in me and I started eating everything in the house again” < - Right. there. with. you! Which is why I think I had such a hard "fall" over the last couple of weeks and let the cycle suck me in. Just have to remember that this is a long and continuous journey and while we WILL have things that feel like they set us back, we just have to pick ourselves back up and TRY AGAIN! :) *hugs*

  4. I definitely agree with the message behind this post! I hear so many people talk about how they don’t allow certain foods in the house because they don’t ‘trust themselves’ around it – well, if you let yourself have a guilty mindset and the have-to-finish-the-whole-bag mindset around certain treats, of course it becomes an issue. I keep whatever I want in the house without worries – chocolate, ice cream, cereal…because I know that whenever I have it, I can. If I’m satisfied with a bite (or a bowl), I just put it down and come back to it whenever I want some more, whether’s thats the next hour, the next day or 3 weeks later. It takes a lot of practice, but I think that everyone can have that sort of relationship with treats and ‘fear’ food.

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      “Well, if you let yourself have a guilty mindset and the have-to-finish-the-whole-bag mindset around certain treats, of course it becomes an issue” <- AMEN!! I have to admit, I still have a lot of moments where this IS my mindset, but I'm getting better. Actually, I'm running a little ice cream "test" on myself right now...the first couple of days I was all like, "OMG ICE CREAM!!! EAT IT ALLLLLL!" but after I had a bit too much on the second day, I'm kinda backing down a bit now. Progress! 😀

  5. Love this! I feel all of my social media accounts have been overwhelmed with healthy posts (we’re all trying to project positive, healthy images, I get it!) But having indulgences is what LIVING LIFE is all about! I would be an unhappy lady if beer and pizza and chocolate were not in my life. That being said, I’d dare myself to go to a fair and eat fried junk. Just for the sake of the experience :)

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      YES!!! As in to everything in this comment! Living life, beer and pizza (and ok, sometimes chocolate ;)), and fried junk for the experience! A couple of years ago I tried a fried Oreo…it was soggy and kinda gross, but hey, I can now say I’ve had a fried Oreo! 😉

  6. jeri says:

    I’m in the middle of a pretty major guilt trip this week, but mine is more of a monetary nature. The other day I went on a gourmet shopping bender…cheese (three kinds), prosciutto (two kinds), artisanal bread and heirloom tomatoes that cost more than meat. Then I hit the olive bar and coffee counter at Whole Paycheck. A bunch of fancy-pants condiments. Topped off by a trip to the Godiva store. Each little treat didn’t seem like much, but boy did they all add up. Unfortunately, you can’t return impulse food like a blouse, so I’m just going to call it a staycation and enjoy.

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      Awww! Haha! Sorry, I don’t mean to laugh, but I can TOTALLY relate to this! I do the same thing at TJ Maxx sometimes…I come home with all this food stuff I just “had” to have and I’m like, why the heck did I buy all of this?! Problem is, this happens all too often…you do NOT want to see my pantry! 😉

  7. purelytwins says:

    we are all about having treats :)

  8. Every Wednesday at my internship is freaking Bagel Wednesday. They have about a billion bagels lined up in every flavor you could ever imagine – plain, wheat, pumpernickel, cheddar jalapeno, everything, cinnamon raisin, etc etc – and 20 or so different types of spread/cream cheeses. In a sad time long ago, I would have avoided those like the plague.

    Today, I ate them with so much happiness, because a bagel is just a bagel. It isn’t scary, or fat-causing, or day-ruining. It’s just a yummy piece of carb-y goodness.

    Btw, I love this post. You have a way with words, my dear.

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      *Stands on chair clapping hands and throwing bagels (excuse me, yummy pieces of carb-y goodness) in the air* 😉

      Love you!

  9. Great post.
    Me, I’d have an extra serving of cheese with a side of fruit and maybe a scoop of gelato. Oh and potato chips. I eat them on occasion, but I don’t buy them often because I’d destroy a bag in two sittings. One sitting if they are salt and vinegar.

  10. great post my love, but i’m sorry you had to go through that <3 i really wish you'd reach out to me. just know you can, ok? i know it's hard to reach out in times like those. heck, when i binged last week i didn't reach out to you, but i really want you to know i am here for you. always always always <3

    i obviously worked on eliminated my good and bad foods list and really think about what makes me happy and i eat those foods. my boyfriend asked me if i wanted to go out for ice cream tonight, but that wasn't appealing to me at all. it's not even a dare food i just know i would enjoy other things better! i don't know what my dare food would be? maybe it would be a sugary cereal? i don't know!?

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      Aww, Meg! Thank you! I’m so sorry that we haven’t been chatting as much lately…our schedules just seem to always be so opposite! Know that I miss you and I still love you into itty bitty tiny little pieces! xoxo

  11. Challenge accepted! :mrgreen:

    You are -SO- right, lady. Labelling different foods as good and bad gives them far too much power. It’s just food, and while some foods may be better for our bodies, there are definitely those that are better for our souls… as long as we let ourselves eat them without guilt. I wanted to tell you how freaking awesome you are, and how much your honesty is helping inspire women who are struggling with the same thing. Recovery from any kind of eating issues is a long journey, hun, and don’t get discouraged if you stumble along the way because the only thing that matters is that you pick yourself back up <3 <3

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      Oh Amanda! Thank you SO much!! You are a daily inspiration for me! I love seeing how far you’ve come with your relationship with food, how “normal” eating seems for you, and I can’t WAIT to get to that point as well! And you’re right, it IS a long journey…I just really need to learn some patience!

  12. So well said. Gosh, I have been there right with you many times! I agree with you, it is so important to treat ourselves every once in a while, otherwise what is life about? Life is about enjoying the little things and cherishing every moment, which for me includes dessert every now and then!

    The food I would choose for my dare would be homemade bread pudding using brioche with a caramel sauce!

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      “Life is about enjoying the little things and cherishing every moment” <- Well said, Melissa! And oh my gosh, that bread pudding sounds magical! One of my all time favorite desserts, but I've never made it myself!

  13. Lucie says:

    Oh, I totally agree. Restricting myself makes me binging – fact. Since I started to enjoy treats here and there and I mean like ENJOY and not feeling guilty about, it got so much better!
    I definitely would go for a piece of MOIST (sorry :-)) chocolate cake, or some of my raw almond cookies!!

  14. Serena says:

    I have actually read an article recently, where the results of recent brain activity tests on anorectic patients were presented.
    High calorie food triggers the release of dopamine, which in healthy people is interpreted as pleasure; in ED sufferers though, this stimulus triggered anxiety.
    As someone who’s been battling an eating disorder for years, I can totally relate. It’s both a relief and a curse to know I’m actually wired that way now, and it’s physically very difficult for me to actually feel happy while eating cake ’cause I would need to re-wire my synapses for that to work.

    That said, working against the fears and anxieties is always, always worth it. I’ll keep doing it and you’re brave to keep doing it too.

    Love, Serena

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      Wow! What an interesting topic! I’ve never heard of that connection before but it makes complete sense! I can understand that level of anxiety. A lot of times I can honestly say that I enjoyed a treat like cake or cookies WHILE I was eating it/them, but most of the time, the anxiety/guilt comes afterwards. We CAN heal this though! It just takes time…and patience…and a LOT of love…for ourselves! :)

  15. After years of restricting (honestly, I don’t know I survived on so little), when I finally allowed myself to introduce new foods, eventually I started to binge (although I never really went too crazy). But those feels of being out of control and stuffing myself until i was sick. It wasn’t until I started really feeding my body the calories it needed, and a wide range of fats, carbs, and whatever else, that the binging stopped. But from being in it, I know how scary it can be. Just keep swimming. The more your body trusts you, the less it will compell you to do this. And to an extent, it’s kind of natural. Hang in there!

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      “The more your body trusts you, the less it will compell you to do this.” <- Wiser words were never spoken! Thank you for this, Cassie!!

  16. I totally had dessert with breakfast three days in a row this week. And I did not die. :)

  17. Oh girly. Love you.
    Ok, I don’t know what my dare food would be. I’ve really been working on the “no bad foods” thing. But I just don’t know what it would be. Sometimes I think of a food I haven’t eaten in years and as if I want that…all I can think is “do I even like that anymore? It’s probably gross and not worth it.” or “Well I remember that being good but I can tell just by thinking about it that my stomach would be SO sick afterwards.”
    So I’d need some help finding that food.

    PS is that cookies and cream cereal any good?! And I’ve been wanting to try the vanilla graham Kashi but don’t want the whole box just in case its gross. And the pb cheerios. Same with all those damn Pop Tarts we’ve talked about…pb, choc pb, birthday cake…

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      Omg girl, you KNOW I can relate to this…all those damn disappointing Pop Tarts! (by the way, I’m planning on trying them tomorrow, so I’ll be sure to give you my FULL report! Haha!)…I think we just let our minds needlessly build things up to a level that is just well…too much. I mean, sure, I’ve had things before that made me sit back and swoon for a minute, but that was it…a minute. I really don’t see why I waste so much energy trying to find that so much…know what I mean? Of course you do…because you speak crazy just as fluently as I do! 😉

      Cookies & cream cereal…omg, HEAVEN!! PB cheerios…not bad but I think the dulce de leche ones are better! And what is this vanilla graham Kashi you speak of?!?! You have to know you had me at “graham”! Lol

  18. Um… That peanut butter looks insanely crunchy and good – Australia needs to step up its game! I’m on the last spoonfuls of my coconut PB Jesse brought over for me and I’m planning on putting in an order with his Mom to send over more 😛 Americans totally do peanut butter better!

    I love this post and I love your new healthy attitude – you are doing SO well and you should be SO proud of yourself. I’m actually planing on starting a new monthly link party series on Southern In-Law that I think you will LOVE!

    If I could choose any food for a dare it’d be tricky as I eat all the foods I CAN eat. I’d totally love a croissant or a scone from a bakes – but my genes decided otherwise. Oh how I’d kill for an Oreo! Haha

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      If you can believe it, the peanut butter is a store brand…and WALMART at that! It’s one of my absolute favorites, but I’ve decided that my little nut butter stash has gotten a little out of control, so I’m thinking after I finish off a few more jars, I’m going to go back to making my own for a while…I have a few ideas for nut mixes and flavors that I’m kind of excited to try!

      What’s the theme of the link series you’re thinking of? Which reminds me…omg, I totally owe you an email about the guest posting! I’m so sorry, love! How silly of me…ugh, if you could SEE my inbox right now, you’d understand! Lol

      • Oh don’t worry, I am terrible with emails at the moment – I get about 300 a day (no exaggerations) at the moment and everytime I open my inbox I am filled with dread. The least unread emails I’ve had in like 6 months is about 27 emails >.<

        I've been making my own nut butters too lately – I had a heap of nuts I needed to use up so I've been experimenting with different flavours and combinations!

  19. Pingback: Friday Favorites |

  20. “I knew a binge was coming but instead of facing my fears, I let it consume me.”

    [I just…know exactly how you feel.]

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