Thoughts on Being Selfish

Last Wednesday, Jamie gave me some “homework”.

For the next two weeks, I am to be completely and 100%…

Selfish

SELFISH.

After telling her about some of the things that have been stressing me out the lately, she showed me the common denominator.

I care too much about what other people think.

Oh yeah sure, I like to say I’m the girl who just marches to the beat of her own drum, who doesn’t care if people like me or not, but when it comes down to it, what I MEAN is I can do all that as long as I stay ignorant of all the negatives. I mean, really? No one wants to hear that someone dislikes them, is disappointed by them, or doesn’t accept them, but you know what?

It happens.

And for too long now, I’ve been so caught up in pleasing everyone else or doing things just  to make sure that I didn’t come across in a negative light, that I’ve lost sight of who I really am…what I like…what I dislike.

What do I WANT?!

One of the main reasons I decided to take a break from blogging was that I felt like I HAD to devote HOURS to each and every post…making everything as perfect as possible…the pictures, the recipes, the jokes. I had to respond to each and every comment. I had to post by a certain time…on certain days…I had link ups to join in on. And don’t even get me STARTED on finding the time to read/comment on other blogs! 

Super Blogger

[original source]

Basically, I had to be SUPER blogger!

After the announcement to take a hiatus, I realized something…no, actually, I’ve always known this….

I’m an extremist.

All or nothing…it just goes with my perfectionist attitude (another thing I’m working on).

I stopped blogging and just started reading, but then I was still stressed that I wasn’t reading ENOUGH. And as much as I love blogging, I started to feel I might not come back to it. That is, until I made THIS for dinner tonight:

Veggie Kebobs Grilled Veggies with Egg Grilled Veggie Salad with Egg

Some may call it a bowl of grilled veggies topped with grated cheese FINE AGED GOUDA, and a fried FREAKIN’ PERFECT egg.

I call it my blogging epiphany.

I couldn’t WAIT to share this. It took all of about 0.23867 seconds to post it on Instagram. But then I realized that Instagram isn’t the blog. It’s not my little corner of the interwebs…my home that I have established over the years…planting flours, hanging pictures, and inviting over so many wonderful friends. This is where I know I belong.

This is what I WANT to do.

So yeah, I guess you could say that I’m back! But this time, it’s on MY terms. I know some of you guys are sticklers for predictability, but me? I’ve always been a fly by the seat of my pants gal…you know, without the whole prostitution thing! 😉

From now on, there will be no set days to post…no time constraints…no “obligatory” link ups, hell, there may not even be a common theme to whatever I put up, but you know what? This is my space…so if I wanna paint the shudders chartreuse and affix a purple rooster to the roof, then dammit, I will! And I’m gonna cuss like a sailor while doing it!

But that’s why you guys love me right? And if you don’t, who cares!

…just don’t tell me about it!

Do you struggle to please others?

When was the last time you were completely selfish?
My first day, I went for a walk at the park, made plans for the weekend, and turned down a job offer…and it felt GREAT!

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37 Responses to Thoughts on Being Selfish

  1. Good for you! I’m a big fan of being selfish… because… well… I am selfish. LOL! selfishly I think you should come to ATL and nurse me back to health next week. Bwhahaha!

    Seriously. I’m happy for you. and even more happy you’re BACK! I miss your pancakes and your fiesty ginger sailor mouth.

    Now, quit being selfish and pass the damn yolk porn!!! 😉

  2. Lee says:

    Yay for being back and for being selfish. I have a really hard time with it too. I am always trying to please people and not have them be mad at me.

  3. I selfishly want you to blog every single day so I can enjoy your ridiculousness, but I also appreciate your own goal to be selfish. Selfishness is one of the most underrated traits. But, even though I’m basically a huge selfish bitch, I still care about what other people think. It’s less about pleasing people, and more about needing external validation for certain things that I’m insecure about. It’s something I’m working on, because external validation is fleeting and hard to come by.

    Oh, and I fucking love your sailor mouth ;).

  4. You paint those shutters chartreuse and affix a purple rooster to your roof! That’s most definitely why I love you 😉 Seriously, though… I’m happy that you’re back, and happier still that you’re doing it on your own terms. I’ve definitely felt the pressures of blogging “perfectly” before, which is kind of why I ended up running away from it for almost a year. It just got to the point where I wasn’t enjoying it at all. It’s freaking addicting though! It eventually got to a point where I just couldn’t stay away, but now I’m back and doing it on my own terms… and it’s been great. Sure, there are still times where I feel pressured to follow a certain schedule or post certain things, but overall it’s getting a lot easier to say “Ahhhh EFF it,” and just do it my way. I don’t see anything wrong with being selfish :)

  5. We love you for many reasons, but cussing like a sailor is most certainly one of them. 😉

  6. Heather,I am SO proud of you!
    I definitely know what you’re talking about; I care FAR too much about what other people think and I am obsessed with pleasing everyone. In fact,most things I am doing,I do for others – not myself.
    It used to be the same with recovery – until a certain point,I wasn’t even sure if I WANTED to leave my Eating Disorder behind. And that was why I couldn’t.
    I HAD to realize that life with anorexia did NOT fulfill me; it was NOT worth living in my eyes.
    Getting that clear,I finally started to make progress – before,it was an endless cycle of one step forward – two backwards again etc. …
    Anyhoo,what I want to say: BE SELFISH!
    …even if you’re not. 😉

  7. Lucie says:

    Yes!!! I love you selfish sailor. Selfish sounds so negative, yet it is something that is good for us. I turned into a selfish bitch over the last few years and my life got so much better!! I can relate a lot on the blogging pressure though – I totally get overwhelmed sometimes.
    I am so happy you are back and can’t wait to see your own route! But for now, let’s stop being selfish and waste some thoughts over our foodie packages, mk??!! :-) love you Darling!!

  8. OMG! I TOTALLY NEEDED TO READ THIS! i feel exactly the same. I am so self less and especially when it comes to eating out pressures, i never stick to my filling or healthy guns! thanks for posting it! i want to be selfish with you lol xxx

  9. katie says:

    Love YOU!

    I used to have those days where I felt like I had to blog and it would stress me too, I totally get it. I feel anything you do in life should be something that makes you happy, I know there are times where we can’t control things and some things we have to do are stressful, but the times we do have that choice and control, we should do what WE want!

    I think blogging should be a fun thing, at least for me it is, I love blogging with all my heart and I don’t get stressed over it. I think it is good you just do just blog when you want and don’t stress if thats not every day or only twice in one week!

    Good for you love to recognize that you don’t need this stress! Love you!!!

  10. Fran@BCDC says:

    Excellent! It only matters that you’re here when you want to be, Heather. Of course, don’t feel any pressure if I tell you that I miss you when you’re not here. 😉 This looks incredible and now after seeing your dinner and having veggie kabobs at my niece’s house over the weekend…I MUST make some. Think I’ll even add the egg! Have a great day, Heather! See you when we see you!

  11. I’m SO glad you’re back, Heather! You bring so much joy to everyone!! I truly enjoy your blog, and I would miss you terribly!!! :) But blogging on YOUR terms is super important!!! It has to be something you enjoy!

  12. lindsay says:

    i think i’m opposite of an extremist. Maybe we should team up? LOL! But really friend, i love you for YOU. Take time to do the same, LOVE YOU. You can cuss like a sailor, not blog, etc and I’d still love you. Text me anytime. Happy you are doing this.
    <3

  13. I can totally relate to this – I’m a total people pleaser too, especially when it comes to people I look up to, like my professors, work supervisors, and family members. Sometimes I’ll go out of my way to make them happy, even if it’s something I don’t have time for or something I’d rather not do.

    And I hear you on blogging too. There’s such pressure to write super awesome posts, be active on Twitter, and comment on everyone’s blogs. But seriously, it’s freaking impossible to do it all. So I’m glad you’re not putting so much pressure on yourself now. Blogging should be fun, not stressful!

  14. So first off – yay Heather returns! Seriously so happy to see you blogging again, and more importantly – doing it on your own terms. Blogging is supposed to be something you enjoy, and putting a shi*tton of pressure on yourself to do it perfectly is less than enjoyable (and clearly, I adore that you cuss like a sailor because my own language isn’t all that pretty sometimes ;-)).
    But I definitely feel you on the people-pleasing thing. I have a tendency to put other people’s needs before my own ALL THE TIME, to the point where I take on responsibilities that I don’t have time for or really don’t want to do. I think I need to work on being more selfish too 😉
    So happy to see you back! <3

  15. Be selfish and enjoy it! :) Whatever makes you happy, right? Blogging’s a hobby, so it should be fun.

  16. Stephanie says:

    What a great post! The term “selfish” has such a negative connotation but all it really means is taking care of yourself. I’m a firm believer that when you are taking care of yourself, you have more to offer everyone else. Harder said than done, though!

    Good luck with the “homework” and I hope you enjoy your selfish quest.

  17. I can relate to this but I am VERY happy you aren’t leaving the blogosphere. I am weird in this sense, I am selfish but I’m not. I have the “I don’t give a f***” attitude that is true in many ways, I am quick to stop being friends with someone if I don’t think they are a good person, I do not waste time on things that I know aren’t good for me or waste my time, this is very much true to men in my life, which is also I’m sure why some men never bothered with me but some got in over their heads (I guess they like the challenge?) haha. Anyway, the thing I can relate to the MOST with this is about blogging. I was actually getting ready to make a video about this soon. I am not entirely as a blogger than who I am in person because I do try to please everybody. I’ve forgotten that I should have a niche, there is no way I could possibly be liked by every person out there, it’s just not possible. My it still kinda hurts me when I see people unsubscribe or unlike my page or unfollow me or something cause I wonder what did I do wrong?! But I’ve been starting to realize that there is no way I can please every person – a good example of this is that I NEVER swear on my blog, I actually feel like I act very innocent and clean-mouthed (is that even a thing? lol) when in real life, I do swear – quite a bit. Not the way that makes me look unintelligent of course, I am an intelligent person and I do not swear when it’s not necessary but I do swear in general. Goes along with my “tough” persona or mentality that I liked to portray to others. I feel like on the web I am this fluffy cuddly bear when in real life I’m more of a… I don’t know, a real person. I’m trying to be more “me” now. I’ll keep you posted how that goes. Good luck with being selfish! I def think it’s good for you! :)

  18. Eric says:

    You go girl!

  19. Claire says:

    Glad to hear it Heather! I prefer it when people’s blogs are NOT predictable. It’s so much more fun! Enjoy doing you :)

  20. This post is AMAZING Heather! I about died laughing when I saw your Super Blogger picture haha 😉 Glad you are back- it’s all about finding that balance. And thanks again for the comment love <3

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  22. That dippy egg looks SO good!!

    And in all seriousness, do what is best for YOU! I took a blogging break a couple of months ago and it was SO refreshing and just what I needed. Blogging can be super time-consuming and overwhelming so I think that we all need to take regular breaks now and then!

  23. nicole says:

    it’s GREAT to be a little selfish, don’t worry you’ll get used to it 😉 life’s too short for not pleasing yourself! do things for YOU, and everything works out fine!

  24. So glad you’re back. Love ya, girl! :)

  25. Tiina says:

    Excellent! I think you’ll be even more fun to read when you don’t feel constrained by prompts and obligations. That’s not selfish at all. you’re just living life as it comes – and btw – I’m an all or nothing gal myself!

  26. I’ve been selfish about blogging lately, too. I used to really pressure myself to do my blog a certain way, certain link-ups, certain whatevers.

    But then, I just got so busy that I COULDN’T do it. I just couldn’t make it. And when I realized that, I started to realize that was okay. Best feeling ever.

  27. Wait! Job offer?

    And hell yes. I seriously need to stop caring what others think. I’ve never done the link ups bc I don’t want to get sucked in, but have one person tell me a cake I made 3 years ago wasn’t good enough…and I’m done for.

  28. HOLY SHIT! You just wrote my story as I sit here trying to catch up from blog reading from the middle of the week & wanting to comment & share & be there for others & tweet as my hubby yells at me to get off the computer & phone – I need to find a balance & have not quite got to where you are but I sure am proud of you!

    I think I may have to share this post in a future post of my – link I mean & I will credit & copy you – hope you don’t mind! HUGS to you & BE SELFISH!!! I LOVE IT!

  29. Welcome back Sugar lips. Or should I say Aged Gouda mouth? Better yet, I hope you’re kissing the manfriend with that potty mouth.
    Your veggie kabobs look amazing, but whenever you use fresh colorful veggies, that practically photograph themselves. Almost….
    Don’t worry about being perfect or pleasing others. If they don’t like it, they aren’t reading your blog for the right reasons anyway. Just do/be you without all the pressure, and the rest will work itself out.

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  31. Yay! I feel the same way. I will take a break and think I’m “doing my own thing,” and then all of a sudden I’ll say, “Oh, but I better make sure to link-up to this,” or, “I need to make sure I post in the morning/night/middle of the day.” But, seriously? If we are blogging for ourselves, to make ourselves happy–and let’s be real, here, anyone who has a blog has to have at least a LITTLE narcissism in them–then what does it matter if we link-up to everything? What does it matter if we post every day, or every five days, or in the morning/noon/night?

    Of course, I say, “If people want to read my blog then it doesn’t matter when or where or how…they’ll read it anyway,” and then a part of me thinks, “But…what if I learn no one actually READS my blog?”

  32. That’s being SELFISH?? haha I already do that! 😉 I didn’t actually even read another blog until about a year into blogging. I will admit sometimes I get a little stressed about reading other blogs now…but when I do I hit that magical button “mark all as read” and that’s that. Unless a certain blogger is on my mind and I have to see what’s up with them. :)

    I love that you feel free and happy now! I went through this a couple of weeks ago…kinda crazy but although it’s hard work, and I’m not profiting from it…I LOVE writing up blog posts. The blog is helpful to sum up what’s going on in my life (now that’s more important than ever since I’m a zillion miles from my fam now!), to sort out my thoughts, to get creative (I used to scrapbook so this is my outlet for that now) AND to hear readers’ thoughts on certain topics.

    Do your thang girrrl!! <3 (Can you imagine me saying that? I think I would bust out laughing immediately but I think you get my point)

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      Haha! Oh my gosh, the only way I can imagine you saying that is with picturing you with baggy pants on and white girl corn rows! And that…yeah, pretty much just made my day! Well, that and the fact that I absolutely LOVE this comment! I feel the exact same way about blogging…especially sorting out my thoughts (I can’t believe it took me over TWO YEARS to open up and actually write more personal posts…I never realized how much it would help!)

      I’ve got to get better about using that magical button…there’s just so many things I feel I’m going to miss out on sometimes! Eeek!

  33. Ahh we are so similar in certain aspects! I have been so on and off with my blog and I realized it was because I felt like I was letting myself down when I missed certain days or posts I intended to write. So I just stopped blogging… (guess I’m an all or nothing girl too) But I was sooo unhappy! I’m back to my blog, but it’s definitely on MY terms this time. Congrats on being “selfish!” I’m on my way to join you! :)

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      That’s SO good to hear, Tiffany! Life really should be all about balance…some of us (extremists, if you will ;)) just tend to lose sight of that. I have to say though, in the last few weeks since I decided to start “going with the flow”, life has been SO much better…so much LESS stress! Hope you’re feeling the same!

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