Which Came First?

What up, guys?!

So, you’d think after a round of slutty brownies AND a slice of chocolate SEX cake this weekend, I’d be sprawled out in bed smoking a cigarette ready to move on to salads and smoothies, but oh no, the best was yet to come! <- Lol!

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Who’s up for a sushi ORGY?! 😉

After the birthday festivities on Saturday night, the man-friend and I contemplated what to have for dinner on the way back to Nashville…

As we played around with the Urbanspoon app on my phone, there was talk of Mexican…Italian…and jokes about going to Shoney’s (I’m assuming the man-friend was joking because I might have to reevaluate our relationship if he was being serious). We finally decided on Gondola House Pizzeria for a night of cheese-loving pizza noshing, but on the way there, the man-friend suddenly remembered a sushi place nearby. Are you really surprised that in the end it came down to those two? Ha!

But this wasn’t just ANY sushi place…

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This was an ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT sushi place!!!

Actually Koi was an entire Japanese MEGA buffet, but once I spotted that lineup of mouth-watering sushi, everything else just disappeared!

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Well, except for the frickin’ VAT of seaweed salad around the corner!

OMG!!!!

I mean seriously? Just bring that entire platter to my table, right Chelsea?

I only WISH I could have channeled Debbie’s bottomless sushi-eating stomach for the night, but alas I only managed one plate. I was actually pretty proud of myself of realizing my satiety (another buffet win!) and not making myself sick!

After our meal, we tore into our fortune cookies…

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…in bed! 😆

Then, after yelling at the man-friend for keeping this place a secret from me for over SEVEN months, I proceeded to butter him up while I BEGGED him to bring me back before we even left the restaurant!! Lol

But the good eats (and chances for me to make even more sexual references) didn’t stop there…

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On Sunday, after a trip to the local farmers’ market to load up on fruits and veggies for the week, the man-friend finally took me to Instanbul for my first taste of
TURKISH food!

We both ordered the doner sandwich…thinly sliced steak stuffed into a perfectly light and fluffy pita along with lettuce, onion, tomato, and feta along with a bowl of tzatziki that I wanted to bathe in! Seriously guys, this picture doesn’t even BEGIN do it justice! You should have seen the SIZE of this thing…it was HUGE!!

Yep, for lunch, I had a huge thing of MEAT slathered in WHITE STUFF!

WIAW TealSo yeah, while I do my best to prepare for my SIXTH GRADE graduation as a
THIRTEEN YEAR OLD BOY, why don’t you guys head over to Peas & Crayons and check out the eats from the more mature bloggers out there!

Or you can just tell me a dirty joke in the comments! 

Click the link for the title of today’s post to make sense! 😉

Posted in Restaurant Review, What I Ate Wednesday | Tagged , | 39 Comments

Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby!

Not only did I tell my mom that I would take care of everything when it came to her birthday dinner this past weekend, but I also decided that I wanted to bake her a cake completely from scratch. And since I rarely EVER make bake, I knew it had to be something special…

German Chocolate Cake 2

I also knew that I wanted something to challenge me in the kitchen. I mean, what’s the point in going out to the store and buying a cart full of ingredients, just to come home and prepare a cake that’s basically one step away from a box mix?

Little did I know when I found Bobby Flay’s recipe for German Chocolate Cake with Coconut-Pecan Cajeta Frosting that I would end up making it a thing ALL my own!

Sex Cake Meme

The kind of sex that’s long, drawn out, and covered in sticky cu-
CARAMEL SAUCE!!! 😉

Coconut Pecan Caramel Sauce

I’ll tell you right now, it’s a LENGTHY process…but in the end all that stroking stirring pays off…ESPECIALLY when you get to surprise the heck out of everyone when you FLASH THEM a smile and confess that it’s not as DIRTY as it appears!

It started with changing just a few things in the beginning of the recipe…opting for whole wheat pastry flour because that’s what I had on hand (plus, I wanted it to produce a somewhat denser cake, because I sinking my teeth into “air” when it comes to cake), reducing the sweeteners a bit so we all didn’t die from sugar shock, and as a lactose-challenged individual, I just simply refused to purchase the UNGODLY amount of cow AND goat milk for ONE FRIGGIN’ CAKE!

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Since I reduced the sugar in the cake and went with a more dark chocolate flavor for the  topping, I decided to keep the filling sweet…as caramel sauce should be…but I have to say I was truly amazed that I pulled it off without a single drop of milk!

Oh and I just want you guys to know that I totally winged it when it came to the ganache and ended up with a bit too much for the recipe, but rest assured NONE of that dark and decadent deliciousness is going to waste! 😀

Ganache

Who knows, I may become a chocolate lover after all! 😉

German Chocolate [SEX] Cake

By: Heather @ Kiss My Broccoli

Adapted from this recipe via foodnetwork.com

Prep Time: 1 1/2 hours

Cook Time: 2 hours

Keywords: bake boil dessert  vegetarian cocoa powder coconut milk whole wheat pastry flour almond milk

Ingredients (One 2-layer cake)

    For the Cake

    • 12 tablespoons (1 1/2 sticks) unsalted butter, at room temperature, plus more for greasing the pans
    • 2 1/4 cups whole wheat pastry flour
    • 3 teaspoons baking powder
    • 3/4 teaspoon baking soda
    • 3/4 teaspoon salt
    • 1 cup plus 2 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
    • 3/4 teaspoon baking soda
    • 1 cup firmly packed light brown sugar
    • 1 cup granulated sugar
    • 1 1/2 cups strong brewed black coffee, at room temperature
    • 1 1/2 cups unsweetened almond milk + 1 1/2 Tablespoons vinegar (this will be your “buttermilk”)
    • 3 large eggs
    • 2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract

    For the Coconut Caramel Filling

    • 1 14 oz. can unsweetened coconut milk
    • 1 14 oz. can unsweetened light coconut milk
    • 1 cup unsweetened almond milk
    • 3/4 cup granulated sugar
    • Seeds scraped from 1/2 vanilla bean
    • 2 tablespoons honey
    • 2 tablespoons unsalted butter, cut into small pieces, cold
    • 1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
    • 1/8 teaspoon salt
    • 1 Tablespoon coconut rum (optional, I used honey-flavored whiskey)
    • 1 1/4 cups coarsely chopped pecans, toasted
    • 1 1/4 cups unsweetened shredded coconut, toasted

    For the Ganache

    • 1 cup unsweetened almond milk
    • 2 Tablespoons unsalted butter
    • 1 1/2 cups unsweetened cocoa powder
    • 3/4 cup honey
    • 1/4 cup unsweetened shredded coconut, toasted, for garnish
    • 1/4 cup chopped pecans, toasted, for garnish

    Instructions

    For the Cake

    1. Position a rack in the center of the oven and preheat to 325 degrees Fahrenheit.
    2. Butter two 9-inch-round cake pans and line the bottoms with parchment paper.
    3. Whisk the flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt together in a medium bowl.
    4. Melt the butter in a medium saucepan over medium heat.
    5. Whisk in the cocoa powder and cook for 1 minute.
    6. Remove from the heat, add the brown and granulated sugars and whisk until the sugar has dissolved.
    7. Add the coffee, “buttermilk”, eggs and vanilla extract and continue whisking until smooth and just combined.
    8. Add wet ingredients to dry ingredients and stir until the batter is smooth.
    9. Divide the batter evenly between the prepared cake pans and bake for 40-45 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out with a few moist crumbs attached.
    10. Let the cakes cool in the pans on a wire rack for 20 minutes.
    11. Invert the cakes onto the wire rack and let cool at least 1 hour before frosting.

    For the Coconut Caramel Filling

    1. Combine the coconut milks and almond milk in a small saucepan and bring to a simmer over low heat.
    2. Combine the sugar and 1/4 cup water in a medium saucepan over high heat and cook WITHOUT stirring until a deep amber color, 8 to 10 minutes.
    3. Slowly and carefully whisk in the warm milk mixture and continue whisking until smooth.
    4. Add the vanilla seeds and honey.
    5. Bring to a boil, reduce the heat to medium and cook, stirring occasionally, until the sauce is reduced by half and the consistency of caramel sauce, about 55 minutes.
    6. Remove from the heat and whisk in the butter, vanilla extract, salt and liquor (if using).
    7. Transfer the sauce to a medium bowl and stir in the pecans and shredded coconut.
    8. Let the frosting cool to room temperature, stirring it occasionally, before frosting the cake.

    For the Ganache

    1. Bring the almond milk to a simmer in a small saucepan.
    2. Add butter, allow to melt, then remove from heat.
    3. Whisk in cocoa powder, honey, and vanilla extract and continue whisking until smooth.
    4. Allow to cool 45 minutes to 1 hour before adding to cake.

    For the Cake Assembly (see also pictures at end of post)

    1. Place one cake round top side up on a large plate or cake stand.
    2. Top with the coconut caramel filling, spreading out to the edges of the cake.
    3. Carefully, place the other cake round top side down on top.
    4. Slowly pour ganache over the top of the cake, allowing some to drip down the sides.
    5. Sprinkle the top with toasted coconut and pecans.
    6. Let sit at room temperature for at least 30 minutes before slicing.
    7. Serve with a scoop of non-dairy ice cream.

    Powered by Recipage

    German Chocolate Cake 1

    German Chocolate Cake 2

    German Chocolate Cake 3German Chocolate Cake 4German Chocolate CakeTa daaaaaaaaaaaa! 😀

    What’s the last thing you baked?

    Do you ALWAYS follow a recipe or is it more of a “suggestion”?

    Posted in Desserts | Tagged , , , , | 50 Comments

    Marvelous NOT Modest

    Do you have trouble taking a compliment? 

    Whether it’s someone telling you that you’re pretty…or commending you for a job well done….do you shrug it off and make excuses? Do you respond with things like: “Oh my gosh, are you blind? I’m having such a bad hair/fat/pimples are erupting all over my face day,” or “No really, Joe did most of the work”?

    Well, I call BULLSHIT!

    I mean, no one wants you to be an arrogant asshole, but what about those moments where you feel like a total badass? Shouldn’t you celebrate those moments?

    Me

    Like when you buy a new outfit and even though it’s a humid summer day, you’re hair looks freakin’ fabulous and you just feel pretty?

    BBQ with the Man-Friend

    Or when you co-host another delicious cookout with your man-friend
    (or WOman-friend ;)) complete with pulled pork BBQ that you helped prepare, “power” salad and fruit salad that you took beautiful pictures of but had absolutely no hand in making, and a pan of crazy good brownies that NO ONE would stop raving about?

    Salty Slutty Brownies

    Crazy…salty…SLUTTY BROWNIES!

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    Or when you put together the most awesome Ruby Tuesday-esque salad bar for your mom’s FIFTIETH birthday on Saturday complete with ALL her favorites?

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    Or when you look at a pic of you and your mother and realize that not only is she absolutely gorgeous, but you look a lot more like her than you thought?

    And not to mention when she greets you with a “oh, you’re so skinny…I remember when I was that skinny” compliment even though you haven’t felt thin in MONTHS?

    Or what about when the UNTHINKABLE happens?

    The stars align, Betty Crocker’s ora remains with you, the HEAVENS OPEN, and from your NON-BAKER hands (and a bag of flour, a pot, a couple of pans, a lot of stirring, even more patience, and maybe a tiny little breakdown in the middle of all of that)
    comes this…

    German Chocolate Cake 3

    German…

    German Chocolate Cake 2

    Chocolate…

    German Chocolate Cake 1

    Completely DAIRY-FREE (?!?!)…

    German Chocolate Cake Slice

    SEX CAKE?!?!

    Well, if you ask me, that’s the time you put the modesty aside, you pat yourself on the back, serve you up a slice WITH a scoop of ice cream without a thought to good vs bad, calorie vs schmalorie, and say…

    HELL YEAH, I’M FRICKIN’ MARVELOUS!

    Recipe coming soon!

    For now, how about hopping on over to Katie’s blog and checking out the massive amount of Monday positivity? But first, it’s time to toot your own horn…

    Tell me, what makes YOU marvelous?

    Posted in Desserts, MIMM | Tagged , , , , , | 43 Comments