Moving Forward By Going Back

It’s been over a week now since the 21 Day Intuitive Eating challenge ended.

I changed a LOT in 21 days.

Me

No really…I’d venture to say I’ve changed clothes at least 9307 times!

Because I had a jumpstart into my intuitive eating journey, I was worried that I would be too “advanced” to really get anything out of the program, but I was totally wrong. Honestly, in the first month that I was doing things on my own, I had a lot of revelations, but it wasn’t until I read those first few emails and really got to know the other girls participating via the Facebook page, that I really started making progress.

It helped so much to see I wasn’t alone.

Since then, I finally feel in touch with my body I know what I’m craving. I know what hunger/satiety feels like. I know I can trust myself not to “lose control” when it comes to food. I know that if I overeat, it’s not the end of the world and that my body will provide the balance I need, but I also know that if I WANT to overeat, because maybe it’s one of the best damn meals of my life, that I don’t have to restrict/punish myself afterwards.

It’s just FOOD!

Food Collage

Whether it be colorful veggies, sugary cereal, or M&M’s mixed with perfectly salty trail mix!

While I’ve been on my journey in intuitive eating journey, I’ve noticed something. Under all the food rules and restriction…under the anxiety and needless guilt…

It really has NOTHING to do with food!

Of course it took the act of peeling back the layers to see that. Not many of you know this, but I used to be married. I was divorced three years ago. It was a terrible time in my life that was stretched out over one LONG year and a half. I couldn’t handle all the emotions I was faced with. The stress was too much. I flirted with an eating disorder
(a post for another day). I lost a LOT of weight.

And I also lost myself.

I actually started blogging as a way to find myself. For years I had been the daughter, the sister, the girlfriend, the wife…always putting others needs before my own…but I had never been just Heather. Hell, if you had asked me back then what kind of hobbies I had, you would have been met with nothing but the sound of crickets chirping.

Of course, what started as a passion for food, cooking, and fitness actually developed into a means of hiding from the “real” world…hiding from my feelings…pretending my troubles didn’t exist. Whenever I felt emotions that were uncomfortable, I would push them away or deny I had them at all. I never realized during those late nights where I felt compelled to finish off an entire box of cereal, that with each handful, all I was doing was ignoring my life.

Not everything in life is rainbows and unicorns.

Fro-yo

Or unicorn entrails…

You can’t deny your feelings. You can’t deny yourself. It’s part of who you are. Part of being an adult is facing the bad shit that comes around. You can’t ignore your problems away. They don’t go away. They just get bigger and hold you back. For THREE years, I’ve allowed my unfelt feelings to keep me from finding joy in life.

So what happens now?

Now I move forward…by going backward. After our final phone conversation of the challenge, I decided to sign up for three months of coaching with Jamie which starts today. I’ve known I needed to seek a counselor for sometime now….to have someone ask me questions I can’t ask myself and to help me finally face my fears, FEEL my feelings, and move on.

Starting today, I find the girl I used to be ME!

What are you passionate about? What brings you JOY?

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64 Responses to Moving Forward By Going Back

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