Thoughts on Body Comparison

“God, I wish I had her _______.”

Insert whatever body part you like because we’ve all said it…either to ourselves or to our girlfriends. But earlier this month, as I was flipping through some old photos on my computer, I found myself saying that in reference to ME!

Bicep Muscle 2012

This was my LEFT (I’m right-handed) bicep circa 2012. Granted, that is a really nice filter, thank you, Mr. Instagram, but can you believe that back then, I never thought I had ANY muscle? What the hell was I thinking?!

I’m pretty confident that I was in the best shape of my life in 2012, but that’s also about the time I got mentally fucked up in regards to health and nutrition. All I saw was the end goal…which was ALWAYS changing due to my “grass is always greener” outlook…but was basically, “Get skinny, be happy!”

2012 Weight Loss SelfieOnly, once I dropped twenty pounds and was back into my size 4’s (never mind the fact that I purchased those jeans during my divorce when I was basically surviving off a diet of coffee and saltine crackers), the happiness was fleeting. Soon the excitement was traded in for anxiety as I attempted maintenance. Well let me tell you something, when you drop weight that you never should’ve lost, it’s really fucking hard to keep that shit off.

After a few months, I realized I just couldn’t do it. That’s when I finally decided to give up calorie counting and found Intuitive Eating. Unfortunately, my timing was horrible since it coincided with the time of my knee surgery. I wasn’t able to do the same things I could in the past…workout or otherwise. Also, it was winter and I was alone a LOT. I tried my best to keep a positive outlook, but as I felt my clothes getting tighter, I got more and more depressed. Or perhaps it was the other way around?

After a year of ups and downs, I made a decision to really focus on myself. I took a step back from blogging and deleted social media accounts that were harboring my need for comparison. I finally got back in the gym with a fresh outlook and it helped a LOT. Even though I figured I’d put on about ten pounds in the past year or so, I started to appreciate my curves and even allowed myself to be a little narcissistic at times. 😉

Yoga Selfie

Not long after discovering my love for yoga, I was seeing my body (and knee) move in ways I didn’t think possible. As corny as it may sound I think this is when I started loving myself from the inside out. Sure there were days where I felt uncomfortable in my skin (which we ARE allowed to have – nobody’s perfect!) but for the most part, I was feeling good ALIVE! 😀

This summer things started to change. I found myself distracted with people, places, and concerts and just didn’t have time for the gym or the yoga studio. I tried to make up for it with the occasional walk, but I knew I needed more since I’d also let my diet take a nosedive. As the cold weather rolled in, the motivation rolled out. It took a few months, but by winter, I knew I’d probably put on ANOTHER ten pounds.

I started feeling fat and frumpy and once I saw those old pictures, I started feeling hopeless and wishing I had what I used to have…especially after I put on a pair of not-size-four jeans and couldn’t get them zipped. That’s when I knew something had to give.

2015 Weight SelfieSo for the last THREE weeks, I’ve been hitting the gym regularly, I’ve been eating stuff and drinking a shit-ton of water and peeing like crazy…umm, I mean yeah, well that too, but I’ve also been feeling FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC!

Yesterday, after getting home from running some errands and feeling cute, I took NEW pictures. And then…you know what I did THEN?! I pulled up those old photos, I uploaded them into PicMonkey, I made myself a little side-by-side comparison and…then I said, “holy fucking shit!”

2012-2015 Weight Gain Selfie

Fuck you size fours, baby got BACK!

So morale of this extremely long-winded story? No matter what you or anyone else looks like, in the end, it all comes down to how you feel about YOU. Oh and it’s OKAY to check in with yourself every so often to hold yourself accountable…you’re allowed to want to be healthy even if everyone around you is stuffing their faces with pizza and cookies. Everything in moderation, including moderation and all that jazz. Also, get off your lazy ass and move a little because you know, endorphins don’t suck! 😉

And even though I find Meghan Trainor’s song to be annoyingly overplayed and desperately in need of some actual base, she DOES have a point…

♫ “Boys they like a little more booty to hold at night”♫

“Dat booty booty, dat booty booty”

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30 Responses to Thoughts on Body Comparison

  1. LOVE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES, it all comes down to what is right for you & not anyone else or social media! Honest, social media still get to me at times.. being older is hard too even though I am proud of what I have done BUT so many others get accolades when I have done this 35 years but no company wants to hear what I have to say.. it is frustrating but I got to the point of F it! :)

    You should read my post on carbs & fat not the enemy and my one yesterday about the reset crap.. just keep doing what works for you!

    HUGS!

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      Yes, social media does have a way of sucking us in sometimes doesn’t it? I can’t even tell you how much my outlook improved after doing a little “spring cleaning” through Instagram. And nothing bad against any of the accounts I used to follow…they are doing what is right for them…and by not following, I am doing what’s right for me.

      Loved your posts…especially this line: “My advice is to find that balance without straying to a point that you even need a ‘reset’.” I couldn’t agree more. It’s not about making dramatic changes that you know you can’t maintain and leave you feeling constantly deprived. But it’s always always ALWAYS about what works for you. Good for you for spreading the word!

  2. Kat says:

    A-freaking-men!!
    So much truth here girl, and I’m so glad you’ve reached this point. I’ve finally gotten there today and while I still have some struggles, each & everyday I am finding a new way to love myself. The comparison game is an ugly one and I wish us women would cut it out, but it can be so hard.
    All I know is that my husband definitely prefers more booty 😉

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      Haha! Well he’s gotta have something to hold on to! 😉 Just wish that society would step up as a whole. It seems like they either market toward sickly thin or the round and proud…how about we just be I don’t know…individuals?

  3. Kim says:

    You are so right! I hate when women bash themselves because they don’t look like the pictures they see of celebrities… guess what … they don’t even look like the pictures! it’s all digitially enhanced shit. Women need to take control and feel good about themselves… be kind to themselves and do what makes them happy! Not what others will be happy about you doing…. get it? good…. enough about that…

    You are beautiful ….. don’t let anyone tell you otherwise…. keep a positive outlook and know we are all on a never ending journey… the good, the bad and the ugly! :)

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      Thanks for the reinforcement girlie! I was nodding my head as I read each line of your comment. Women really do need to put up their bullshitometer more often! Haha!

  4. Allison says:

    This blog post is 100% on point with where I have been, our life journey is so similar, starting around the same time frame too!! Lately I have been feeling the same way and trying to work on myself. Finding happiness & peace within yourself is so freaking hard when you compare yourself to previous “you’s” and social media. SO proud of you finding peace with you, and those leggings GIRL PLEASE, I need them!

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      It IS freaking hard! You just have to remember that you are YOU, forget about everyone else. And girl, I can’t even tell you how much it helped me to take a huge step back from social media…it sucks you in…into a world where you begin to think it’s normal that everyone works out like 5 times a day, every day, and eats only egg whites and salads. That is not real life…just a bombardment to your senses. Put on your blinders for a while and focus on you and I promise it gets easier. :)

      The leggings came from nomorerack.com as a random mix pack of three…I got lucky with two, the other pair are “sleep leggings”! Haha!

  5. You are awesome and beautiful! We have all been there before and I’m definitely guilty of comparing myself to others and then making myself feel bad when I dont match up, this post is totally spot on. Thanks for always being so real :)

  6. HA! The first thing I thought when I saw that leggings pic was “Damn! Heather’s ass looks amazing!” Word to your glutes.

  7. Rachel says:

    “Well let me tell you something, when you drop weight that you never should’ve lost, it’s really fucking hard to keep that shit off.” This. Hit me like a tonne of bricks. Thank you

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      You’re welcome. One of the hardest things for me to learn. And when it hit me, it was like a ton of bricks. *hugs*

  8. Annie says:

    Hell yes girl! So many props to you for writing this post and for your realness and honesty. All women struggle with these issues and I’m so happy you’ve regained your happiness with your own body. And so true about those endorphins 😉

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      Thank you so much, Annie! It’s amazing how you can feel endorphins the moment you start having fun too. I swear for the last couple of months, I was just forcing it and had the wrong attitude all around, but once I found a way to enjoy it, it all came back so easily! :)

  9. I love that booty. Can’t wait to squeeze it. Again.

  10. You know the crazy thing? 99.9% of the time, nobody notices the weight we put on or lose. Nobody but us, anyways. My weight has fluctuated a tonne over the years, but when I look back at older pictures of myself, it’s hard to notice any real staggering differences. I think you look freaking amazing, and had you not mentioned gaining weight, I never would have known. At the end of the day, it’s all about how you work it… and you can only work it good when you feel good. Boom.

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      “And you can only work it good when you feel good.” <- A-MEN!! It's all about perspective, isn't it? Thank you so much, love! xoxo

  11. You rock, lady – and luckily, you’ve got a booty to rock. I can’t say that whole weight gain issue wasn’t scaring me still but the promise of a boooootay worth calling that IS somewhat alluring. And I need those leggings. Just as an aside.
    Honestly, I’m glad to see how far you’ve come and that those voices of the past – no matter how often they’re calling for you – can’t lure you in again.

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      Thank you, sweetie! And believe me, I lurve my curves! 😉 So worth it to get a booty after years of having zip, nada, goneass! Lol

      You DO need these leggings! I got them from nomorerack.com Not sure if they ship internationally, but you might wanna check it out. They were pretty cheap!

  12. Love this post girl! And I love the way you ended it – it’s so true that we need to stop focusing on others, and just do what feels right to us! Whether that’s stuffing our faces with pizza or doing a killer workout at the gym, we need to just go with the ebbs and flows of our whims and stop being so hard on ourselves by comparing ourselves to others.

    Also hello your butt looks fantastic!

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  14. Diana says:

    Heck yah! Love it!! You aware beautiful.

  15. Liz says:

    It’s such a journey, isn’t it?! It’s kind of crazy how we can flip flop back and forth and also how we think something will make us happy and then we get there and realize it isn’t what we needed! Thank you for sharing your story heather!! I love reading your blog so much!

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      And this comment just made me smile SO big! Thank YOU, Liz! You are such an incredible person inside and out! xoxo

  16. Steve says:

    Hi Heather,

    I can 100% relate to your story. There had been a time when I started feeling frustrated and hopeless. How I wish I could have the body I used to have in just a snap. It did not happen though. It took me months before I get back to myself and focus on how to lose weight properly and be a healthier person. I hope everyone who reads you story will be inspired and motivated not to give up, start a healthy living, and feel better about himself/herself.

    Thanks,
    Steve

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