Thoughts on Being Thoughtless

Hello.

My name is Heather, and I am an overthinker.

Thoughtful

And I don’t mean that in the paranoia sense of the term. I don’t always think that if someone chooses to end a text with a period that I’ve done something awful to piss them off (don’t pretend like you haven’t been there before). 😉

No, I mean more ESPECIALLY when it comes to food.

But I wasn’t always like this. It happened over time.

First I learned that fat was bad. And protein?…yeah, that’s the good stuff…we need LOTS of that. Oh wait, fat is good now…but only if it doesn’t come from this, this, or that. Yeah now carbs are bad…but uh, only after you subtract the fiber…and sugar alcohols…wait, what’s a sugar alcohol?

*Google searching…scrolling…clicking…scrolling*

What the h- Rainbows?!

Ok, sugar alcohols are bad. But so is sugar. And how much sodium is in this? A three egg omelette? No thank you, do you KNOW how much cholesterol is in eggs?! Um, how long have I been buying non-organic produce?! Grass-feed? Free range…cage free….
cage range…rage cange…wait, why are my eggs so angry?!

Oh dear God, I’m going to bear children with three arms!!

Yeah, so that pretty much sums up the last 10 years of my life in nutrition…aka, how to increase your blood pressure without even TOUCHING a egg! 😉

So obviously, I’ve been looking at nutrition labels for a while now. But even after all that I’d learned, the good…the bad…and the hydrogenated oil, I never really ever paid attention to calories…

Until last summer.

Last May, home from my fantastic weekend at Blend 2012, I started struggling with my snacking (I blame the truckload of swag…I mean, seriously? You guys saw that stuff!). I was constantly picking at things in ADDITION to my meals. I was unhappy with my body. Around that time, Fitmixer got their first bootcamp up and running and all of a sudden I was hearing everyone rave about My Fitness Pal…

My Fitness Pal Profile

So I figured, “what the hay”, set up an account, selected my goals, and was OFF!

The first few weeks were eye-opening for sure. I realized a “Heather-serving” and an “actual serving” were pretty far from the same thing. I also learned that I tend to feel more satisfied with smaller meals and snacks throughout the day. I had BEEN eating meals and snacks…but they had all been quite larger than I had originally thought.

I also started paying attention to the calories burned whenever I used the cardio equipment at the gym…and then I diligently entered my meals and my workouts into my handy-dandy calculator.

After a month, I’d lost four pounds.

After two months, I’d lost eight pounds.

And after three months, I had hit to my “goal” weight!

Jeans

It worked! I felt great…I was ecstatic…I was wearing jeans that hadn’t fit in a YEAR! I really couldn’t believe how amazing it was. I had never seen results so clearly (and so quickly). I was so proud of myself!

The next few months went great…I kept counting, I kept logging my exercise…I was so motivated, but then I ran into a few “speed bumps.” I met the man-friend (and as per any new dating situation, there were LOTS of dinners out, and then as the holidays were approaching, there were parties, and crackTONS of CRACK!

I gained weight. I felt like crap. I (felt like I) looked like crap and while up to this point, I had never gotten overly obsessed with tracking my calories before, after my holiday detox, I started getting stricter…

I went from “guessing” I had a cup of cereal to actually leveling off the measuring cup with the backside of a knife.

My Fitness Pal Log

I measured every teaspoon of mustard, tablespoon of ketchup, and practically abandoned nut butter…you know, because it just didn’t “fit” in my calories. I even counted out those frickin’ snap peas. And hello, ONE ginger chew has 16 calories in it?!

Then I bought a food scale.

And if my bowl of salad had 3.ONE ounces of spinach in it, you better BELIEVE I was picking out a couple of leaves until it was absolutely even!

Why you ask?

Well because obviously, I had lost control over the holidays. I needed to get that back and also, this was around the time that my knee started giving my problems…again, I lacked control. So I sought it out in the only way I knew how…and well, the numbers didn’t COULDN’T lie.

The funny thing is, I never recognized this reasoning before. I didn’t see what was happening. I was totally oblivious to the line I was crossing.

TO BE CONTINUED…

Do you count calories or pay attention to specific nutrients like fat, carbs, or sugar?

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