Confessions of a Pancake Queen: The R Rated Edition

WARNING:
Post may not be suitable for all audiences.

Parental discretion is advised.

Am I the only one out there who associates the word “moist” with sex?

But not the good kind of sex.

*shudder*

So,Β for the sake of this post,Β we’re just gonna call it “sexy”. I mean really, how can you see the word sexy and think anything but good thoughts…strong, confident, sennnnnnsual?

Ok, so now, I’m picturing pancakes topped with whipped cream, red cherries, and wearing stilettos.

Pancake Porn

[source, source]

Brings a whole new meaning to the term pancake porn, doesn’t it? πŸ˜‰

Alright! So let’s talk about β™«sex, babyβ™« pancakes, shall we?

Now, I used to make most all of my pancakes with butter or oil, but when I started calorie counting, I gave that up right away because, well you know…that added CALORIES! While I don’t care about those reasons anymore, I actually still prefer oil-free pancakes because that just means I can go EXTRA crazy with the toppings!

Pancake ToppingsI’ll take provocative attire over nudity any day! πŸ˜‰

So, if you’re not greasin’ em up, then WHAT can you do to make sure they’re just as sexy on the INSIDE as they are on the outside?

Well, it’s actually pretty easy…

FruitPeel off the layers.

Whether it be bananas, apples, blueberries, or even AVOCADO(?!), it only takes a little bit to add some sexiness to your cakes. The natural juices release as the cakes cook up giving you a voluptuous and succulent stack!

ApplesauceGet a little saw-saaaaay!

Same thing goes for fruit purees! You can use pre-made (or better yet HOE-made) applesauce or even just blended up fruit!

Whichever you choose, whole fruit or puree, just watch the amount of sugar (I actually recommend using UNsweetened applesauce) as a higher sugar content will tend to leave your cakes with varying degrees of UNsexy tan lines…

Pancake Tan Lines

Nothing a littleΒ stage makeup coconut butter and syrup can’t fix!Β 

Snookie Pancakes

Oh Snookie, how did you end up in my pancakes??Β 

Veggies

Try a new position.

Some of my sexiest pancake experiences have actually come from trying something a little…um, different. You don’t have to worry about the sugar content in veggies, and most of the time, the flavor will only come through if you let it…believe it or not, pumpkin pancakes will only taste like pumpkin if you add the right spices!

Cottage Cheese & Yogurt

Embrace the white stuff.

It really IS amazing what one or two spoonfuls of creamy goodness can do…and hey, we all know that it’s FULL of protein! πŸ˜‰

Eggs

Ready those eggs!

But I’m not talking about making baby pancakes here…oh no. We’re not THAT far along in our relationship yet! Remember when I told you how whisking egg whites can lead to SUPERHUMAN fluffy pancakes? Well, these babies hold another little secret (even better than Victoria)…

While it’s hard to do with single serving pancakes, one WHOLE egg thrown into your batter will not only boost the flavor and make them more cake-like, but it makes them so sexy, your grandmother would blush!

Best tip for trying this out, take any one of my single serving pancake recipes calling for one egg white, double the recipe and use one WHOLE egg instead of two egg whites…then you can either share your breakfast with I don’t know, perhaps your bedmate? πŸ˜‰ OR you can freeze them for later!

Oh yeah, I said it…you can FREEZE pancakes!

Steps for freezing leftover pancakes:
1. Arrange in a single layer on a plate or cookie sheet and allow to cool completely.
2. Once cool, layer cakes with sheets of wax paper/parchment/or aluminum foil.
3. Stuff those bad boys in a zip top baggy and pop ’em in the freezer.

They’ll keep for MONTHS this way. And when you’re ready to dish some of them up, just pop ’em straight in the toaster!

Nothing like something hot and sexy “popping up” in the morning! πŸ˜‰

What’s the sexiest pancake topping combo you can think of?

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44 Responses to Confessions of a Pancake Queen: The R Rated Edition

  1. Love the idea of freezing pancakes! Thanks for sharing how to do this πŸ˜‰

  2. Oh girl, these pics make sooo ho….. hungry!!! :-) I love your pancake-queen-tips and I MUST try the thing with the whole egg and freezing. What a great idea, never thought of that (I know, thinking is not my strength, but even I do it here and there :-))
    Happy Sunday Beauty!!

  3. Lee says:

    You associate the word moist with bad sex? Pancakes (or muffins for that matter) will never be the same!

  4. OMG! This is one of the greatest posts that I have even gotten up to. Thanks for the morning laugh! I definitely think that I’m going to whip up (well, try to whip up. My inner pancake princess is still in-training!) a stack of your PB&J ‘cakes for my myself and my family! Happy Sunday :)

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      Awww, thanks Brittany! And oh my gosh, you have to let me know how they turn out/what you think/what your family thinks! Lol πŸ˜€

  5. Katie says:

    Between “we all know that it’s FULL of protein!” and “Nothing like something hot and sexy β€œpopping up” in the morning!” I am practically choking at my desk!

  6. Moist and sex?! Bad?? I thought the opposite would be true… πŸ˜‰ It’s just that the WORD moist isn’t sexy.

    Either way, I effing love you for this post. Made my day. You better me ready to moisten up our suite’s pancakes at BLEND!!! xoxoxo

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      Hahaha! Yes, the WORD…not the actual um, process? Lol

      Oh, I’m bringing it! And if Meghan can teach me in time, I’ll even wear some stilettos as I’m “whippin” them up! πŸ˜‰

  7. lmao Heather, you are awesome. This definitely had me giggling this morning.

    Sexiest pancake combination I can think of: chocolate, cherries and whipped cream. It does not get much sexier than that πŸ˜‰

  8. You’re freaking hilarious and amazing! And yes, moist is just NOT an okay word…who created it anyway?

    This also makes me laugh because my chiro asked me if I had any plans this weekend or a hot date…haha NO! Well…maybe with a stack of pancakes! πŸ˜‰

  9. Alright, so that song “Let’s Talk about Sex Baby” makes me think of two things: First obviously is Pitch Perfect (enough said- Love that movie) and Secondly, yesterday morning when we were going down the elevator in our hotel some random girl started singing that song when we got out. Odd πŸ˜› I think she knew this post was coming…

    I totally know what you mean about low-cal pancakes so that you can pile on the toppings. Sometimes though, full-fat pancakes with just the traditional syrup are just what you need too though :)

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      Amen…on both things! Sometimes simple is the key AND yessss, Pitch Perfect was AWESOME! I keep meaning to pick it up at the store…thanks for the reminder! πŸ˜‰

  10. Love this post. I will never think of the word moist the same way again. Now I am craving some pancakes!

  11. Okay, this whole post had my giggling. Hilarious and witty. Nice! :)

  12. Damn girl, your pancakes are freakin’ sexy. For real, you can make me a cake any day, and I would gladly take it, and it just may make me a little moist (sorry, couldn’t help myself). I almost always use whole eggs in my pancake mix because I can’t stand the thought of pitching the lovely yellow yolk. It seems cruel and unnecessary so I love your tip about doubling the recipe so you can use the whole egg and even share with your bedmate. Although it might make them moist too. Again, self control is not my strong suit. Hope you are having a lovely little Sunday.

  13. I’m crying I’m laughing so hard at this post! You are so fun! :) I love that you can freeze pancakes. Now, I just need to get you up here to help me flip…

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      Haha! It’s all in the wrist! (don’t worry, I’ll refrain from making any comments on THAT line…oh wait, I guess I just did! Lol)

  14. Missy says:

    This is Hall of Fame funniest blog post! Love all of your subtle(and not so subtle) wit!

    Sexiest topping combo I can think of would be strawberries, chocolate, whipped cream, and champagne glaze!

  15. I’m so glad I read this post today! I just made a batch of applesauce in my Crock Pot, so I’ll be sure to use some of that in a batch of pancakes this week.

  16. Ahahhahaha!! I have never heard so many sexual innuendos to describe pancakes and I love it. You’re hilarious, seriously. I thought this post would make me crave pancakes like crazy, but it’s actually got me craving something else more… TMI?

  17. OMG – you are HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!! I thought at first you were going to help me with my old women dryness – like the Sahara desert – OH, is that TMI! πŸ˜‰

    LOL at this: The natural juices release as the cakes cook up giving you a voluptuous and succulent stack!

  18. Madi says:

    Heather….you.are.hilarious. dear lord you had me blushin the whole time AND craving pancakes. all of them. right now. in my belly!

  19. Jessica @eatclean_getfitwifey says:

    Awesome post…. very witty :) …guess what I am craving now?

  20. Eric says:

    Um why do I feel dirty all of a sudden!? ;P

  21. Just last night I was wondering how to make a large batch of pancakes and store them in the freezer. Now I know. Thatnks :)

    I spit out my water laughing so hard at this post btw. You are so damn creative and funny.

  22. Amry says:

    I love this series Heather! Thanks for sharing secrets for making your perfect pancakes! I’ve also enjoyed hearing about your journey towards intuitive eating. I’m coincidentally on the same path so I was happy to read about your experiences. Love the positivity that radiates from blog :o)

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      Aww, thank you SO much, Amry!! I’m so glad you are enjoying the posts! This journey has definitely had it’s ups and downs…and luckily I’ve had plenty of support throughout it all. I just want others to feel the same way…it’s hard enough to change after years of thinking a certain way, no one should ever feel like they have to do it alone!

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  24. Hahaha I friggin love you! This post is amazing.

    Sexiest pancake combo has definitely got to be chocolate, cherries, and whipped cream. And hey, how about some oysters thrown in there too. They’re supposed to be an aphrodisiac, right? πŸ˜‰

    PS. Just kidding about the oysters. That would be disgusting.

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      Bahahaha! Mmmm, chocolate covered oysters, eh? Now THAT is one for the next Valentine’s Day menu! Lol

  25. This is such a great post as I love pancakes! I make them at least 2 times a week in our household using all kinds of combinations, in fact, I just made one with almond flour and spinach topped with melted almond butter and a drizzle of pure maple syrup! They were SO good! I love freezing them, too, and reheating them in the toaster for a quick breakfast later on in the week!

    I think the sexiest pancake topping combo would be melted dark chocolate with peanut butter!

  26. I just don’t even know what to say.

    Last (Best? Weirdest?) pancake topping I had was yesterday morning. It was a savory pancake topped with spinach, peppers, and the most (moist?) beautiful runny fried egg. No need for syrup when there is ketchup and egg yolk running all over the place…

  27. calee says:

    I’m with you on oil-free pancakes. I’d prefer the moistness to come from something that has flavor or added nutrients …. that way I can fry them up in bacon grease. πŸ˜‰

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