Confessions of a Pancake Queen: The Dark & Dirty Edition

Forgive me, Spatula, for I have sinned…

Spatula

It has been SEVENTY SEVEN days since my last confession. Surely I am destined for pancake hell…aka, the land of expired leavening agents, no cinnamon, and runny sugar-free syrup.

Two months ago, I planned on confessing all my secrets behind making the best VEGAN pancakes, but then I realized something…

Vegan Pancakes CollageDark & Dirty Confession #1:
I have absolutely NO IDEA what I’m doing!

It’s true! Most of the time, I just get lucky…and some of the time, I make the recipe over and over and OVER again until something somewhere (the planets align, I hold my mouth just right, I rub my head and patty my tummy with my spatula) connects and out comes a pancake…or two…or three! 😉

Sometimes, you can stuff them with something (pumpkin, banana, beets?) and they’ll fluff up a bit better versus just using ground flax for an egg substitute…or you can use more flour…or sometimes, a bit of coconut flour can help, but you have to be careful with it because without enough binding ingredients, you’ll end up with something like this…

Pancake Fail

Oh I’m sorry, do those look GOOD to you?

What if I told you after cutting into those babies, I discovered they were
COMPLETELY RAW on the inside?!

Pancake Win

Ok, that’s better…but still, NOT vegan!

For the record, no amount of peanut butter was going to make that pancake fail any better. In the trash they went…which meant by the time I was photographing the second plate, I was about ready to cry chew my arm off!

Dark & Dirty Confession #2:
Sometimes, I’d rather just have a bowl of cereal.

And speaking of pancake fails…

Coconutty Protein Pancakes

Coconut Pancake Fail

Remember this?

Welllllllllll, in an effort to figure out what the hell went wrong what changed when I tried to make them again, I finally came to a conclusion…

Dark & Dirty Confession #3:
I’m human and sometimes, I make mistakes.

It took me a while to remember, but in the original recipe, I had planned on using coconut milk as the liquid, but when it came time to make the cakes, I didn’t have any on hand so I just used almond milk. Now you wouldn’t THINK that would make much of a difference, would you?

Pancake Fail 4

Wrong.

Pancake Fail 3

Wrong.

Pancake Fail 2

WRONNNNNNNNNNNG!

Why God? Whyyyyyy!?

Also, my suggestion for using a plant-based protein powder in place of the whey I used?

Uhn uh!

But with almond milk and WHEY protein?

Coconutty Protein Pancakes

Picture

Coconutty Protein Pancakes 2

of

Coconutty Protein Pancakes 3Pancake PERFECTION! Recipe here! 😀

Although I have no idea as to WHY!

And speaking of pictures, while I’m on this “baring all” sort of post…

Thin Mint Cookie Pancakes

I literally CRIED over these pancakes.

Before the final post, there was not one, not two, but THREE “photo fails”. Looking back now, I can see what the man-friend was trying to tell me as I sat in front of my computer with tears of frustration streaming down my face (seriously, the man deserves an award for putting up with my crazy!)…the pictures look fine, but at the time, they did NOT match up to Heather’s perfectionist standards.

Thin Mint Pancakes Fail CollageDark & Dirty Secret #4:
My perfectionism sometimes stands in the way of my happiness sharing a recipe.

The lighting wasn’t right, most of the drizzle shots showed motion, the placemat wasn’t working…oh, and how about I just HAD to make a special trip to the store SPECIFICALLY for that frickin’ mint garnish!!

In the end I was able to “salvage” three shots from the FOURTH attempt for the final post that didn’t have blur and that didn’t show the mint leaves drowning in a pool of  chocolate sauce. And as for the placemat situation?

Lucky Pancake ShirtI ended up getting lucky 😉

You guys know me, I pretty much always make a joke to lighten the mood, but my last and final confession for the day is one of the hardest to admit…

*takes a breath*

Dark & Dirty Secret #5:
I don’t WANT to make pancakes anymore.

Now I’m not saying I’m done with them forever, but I WILL say that last day I remade those Coconutty Protein Pancakes was the last day I flipped a cake…and that was over two months ago. Every time I think to make pancakes, I come back to the stress OR I start thinking numbers…serving sizes, calories, carbs, sugars, fats, ahhhhhhhhh!

So forgive me, readers, but your Pancake Queen is going to rehab on hiatus until further notice. Please direct all hate mail to the following address:

100 Cake Flop Ave.
In the Trash, Over There 12345

For my bloggers out there, do you stress over your pictures?

What is your favorite breakfast right now?
I have to admit, I’ve been the rebelling against all things vegan (joking of course) and have been enjoying my fair share of yogurt messes! 😉

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