Confessions of a Pancake Queen: The Dark & Dirty Edition

Forgive me, Spatula, for I have sinned…

Spatula

It has been SEVENTY SEVEN days since my last confession. Surely I am destined for pancake hell…aka, the land of expired leavening agents, no cinnamon, and runny sugar-free syrup.

Two months ago, I planned on confessing all my secrets behind making the best VEGAN pancakes, but then I realized something…

Vegan Pancakes CollageDark & Dirty Confession #1:
I have absolutely NO IDEA what I’m doing!

It’s true! Most of the time, I just get lucky…and some of the time, I make the recipe over and over and OVER again until something somewhere (the planets align, I hold my mouth just right, I rub my head and patty my tummy with my spatula) connects and out comes a pancake…or two…or three! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Sometimes, you can stuff them with something (pumpkin, banana, beets?) andย they’ll fluff up a bit better versus just using ground flax for an egg substitute…or you can use more flour…or sometimes, a bit of coconut flour can help, but you have to be careful with it because without enough binding ingredients, you’ll end up with something like this…

Pancake Fail

Oh I’m sorry, do those look GOOD to you?

What if I told you after cutting into those babies, I discovered they were
COMPLETELY RAW on the inside?!

Pancake Win

Ok, that’s better…but still, NOT vegan!

For the record, no amount of peanut butter was going to make that pancake fail any better. In the trash they went…which meant by the time I was photographing the second plate, I was about ready to cry chew my arm off!

Dark & Dirty Confession #2:
Sometimes, I’d rather just have a bowl of cereal.

And speaking of pancake fails…

Coconutty Protein Pancakes

Coconut Pancake Fail

Remember this?

Welllllllllll, in an effort to figure out what the hell went wrongย what changed when I tried to make them again, I finally came to a conclusion…

Dark & Dirty Confession #3:
I’m human and sometimes, I make mistakes.

It took me a while to remember, but in the original recipe, I had planned on using coconut milk as the liquid, but when it came time to make the cakes, I didn’t have any on hand so I just used almond milk. Now you wouldn’t THINK that would make much of a difference, would you?

Pancake Fail 4

Wrong.

Pancake Fail 3

Wrong.

Pancake Fail 2

WRONNNNNNNNNNNG!

Why God? Whyyyyyy!?

Also, my suggestion for using a plant-based protein powder in place of the whey I used?

Uhn uh!

But with almond milk and WHEY protein?

Coconutty Protein Pancakes

Picture

Coconutty Protein Pancakes 2

of

Coconutty Protein Pancakes 3Pancake PERFECTION! Recipe here! ๐Ÿ˜€

Although I have no idea as to WHY!

And speaking of pictures, while I’m on this “baring all” sort of post…

Thin Mint Cookie Pancakes

I literally CRIED over these pancakes.

Before the final post, there was not one, not two, but THREE “photo fails”. Looking back now, I can see what the man-friend was trying to tell me as I sat in front of my computer with tears of frustration streaming down my face (seriously, the man deserves an award for putting up with my crazy!)…the pictures look fine, but at the time, they did NOT match up to Heather’s perfectionist standards.

Thin Mint Pancakes Fail CollageDark & Dirty Secret #4:
My perfectionism sometimes stands in the way of my happiness sharing a recipe.

The lighting wasn’t right, most of the drizzle shots showed motion, the placemat wasn’t working…oh, and how about I just HAD to make a special trip to the store SPECIFICALLY for that frickin’ mint garnish!!

In the end I was able to “salvage” three shots from the FOURTH attempt for the final post that didn’t have blur and that didn’t show the mint leaves drowning in a pool of ย chocolate sauce. And as for the placemat situation?

Lucky Pancake ShirtI ended up getting lucky ๐Ÿ˜‰

You guys know me, I pretty much always make a joke to lighten the mood, but my last and final confession for the day is one of the hardest to admit…

*takes a breath*

Dark & Dirty Secret #5:
I don’t WANT to make pancakes anymore.

Now I’m not saying I’m done with them forever, but I WILL say that last day I remade those Coconuttyย Protein Pancakes was the last day I flipped a cake…and that was over two months ago. Every time I think to make pancakes, I come back to the stress OR I start thinking numbers…serving sizes, calories, carbs, sugars, fats, ahhhhhhhhh!

So forgive me, readers, but your Pancake Queen is going to rehab on hiatus until further notice. Please direct all hate mail to the following address:

100 Cake Flop Ave.
In the Trash, Over There 12345

For my bloggers out there, do you stress over your pictures?

What is your favorite breakfast right now?
I have to admit, I’ve been the rebelling against all things vegan (joking of course) and have been enjoying my fair share of yogurt messes! ๐Ÿ˜‰

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63 Responses to Confessions of a Pancake Queen: The Dark & Dirty Edition

  1. Ah yes definitely stress over my pictures. The lighting can be all wrong or it looks crap even though it tastes delicious.

    I’m loving my homemade spelt berry banana bread at the moment it is my easiest grab and go breakfast.

  2. I am the picture-stresser-queen!! And since my skills for photographing are nowhere yet, it’s even worse. Sandro can join the man-friend for keeping up with my blogger madness.
    I LOVE you girl, also as a pancake queen with a hiatus! I will whip up a batch of banana protein pancakes tomorrow in your honor! Happy Sunday Lovie!

  3. Honestly, I don’t know how you did it!!! I am the WORST pancake maker on the face of the Earth. I have no idea why, but they almost always turn out like poop. Even when following a specific recipe! hahaha so kudos to you for doing it for as long as you have ๐Ÿ˜‰ Sometimes yogurt bowls or cereal is where. it’s. at. No shame!

  4. Jessie says:

    I sure am going to miss pancake posts from the Queen that you are.. but at least I have many to look back upon & drool over. So thank you for the time you have spent making all of our bellies happy :)

  5. This post makes me laugh, I think for every successful pancake that I make I get about 6 failures. I will usually eat the failures even though they are ugly, undercooked, burnt or whatever but I understand the pancake stress.

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      Oh yes, I’ve eaten my fair share of flops over the years…besides this one here, there really is NOTHING that a little bit of peanut butter can’t make better…or chocolate sauce…or BOTH if it’s really bad! ๐Ÿ˜‰

  6. Girl, regardless of whether you’re making pancakes or not, you’re still the Pancake Queen in my eyes! And as the queen, you get to rule the land of pancakes which includes taking them AWAY if you’d like…for however long that may mean! :)

  7. Hey sweetie!

    Ok, so props to you (or high fives to you ;)) for realizing that pancakes is a stressful thing for you. If it triggers you to feel like you should be paying attention to macros/measuring/etc. push them aside for a while like you have been :) I am so proud of you! You should definitely submit a high five for yourself ๐Ÿ˜€

    My breakfasts have been yogurt and muesli lately, but today I had eggs and toast. I haven’t made a pancake since MAYBE last summer?? YIKES

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      Thanks honey! Actually, I think I will submit a high five! I’m definitely proud of myself for realizing why this was stressing me out!

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      Thanks honey! Actually, I think I will submit a high five! I’m definitely proud of myself for realizing why this was stressing me out!

  8. Amen to this! I definitely stress myself over a recipe not being as good as I hoped or about pictures not looking as great as so many others. But, then I try to remind myself that I am no professional and that I take my pictures with my phone! ๐Ÿ˜‰ I WISH I owned a fancy camera, but then again, I wouldn’t know how to work it! ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Oh, and if you ever do figure out the vegan pancake thing, let me know because at this point I am still using eggs!

  9. You’re not alone stressing about pictures. I think it’s a blogger thing. My current favourite breakfast is yoghurt with fresh berries.

  10. I can definitely relate to stressing over pictures. I do it all the time but have learned to let go a little. I will admit though when I come to your blog and see all your amazing photos, I strive to make mine a little better! You always get wonderful shots and everything ALWAYS looks so delicious! I know the perfectionist feeling though so definitely understand :-)

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      Thank you Giselle! I really try my best to put up quality pictures…I just don’t think people would actually want to make something if it looks like poo! I’m just working to find a balance right now where I’m not stressing to make them absolutely perfect. Good news is, over the last few weeks, I think I’ve been seeing a bit of that balance. I just have to focus on the food/recipe more and quit over-thinking everything else!

  11. Kat says:

    Thank goodness for this post. I was beginning to think you were some kind of pancake god that I should be sacrificing too, thank you for being so honest here babe! I over did my oat obsession and didn’t eat them for a few months but I had them yesterday and loved every bite. Distance makes the heart grow fonder right? ๐Ÿ˜‰

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      Oh no!!! Definitely NOT! But wait…if we’re talking pancake sacrifice…and that means that you sacrifice YOUR plate of pancakes to ME, then I retract that statement entirely! ๐Ÿ˜‰ xoxo

  12. Don’t hate me… I don’t even really like pancakes.

    But I’m happy to share a no fuss bowl of cereal with you any day of the week.

  13. I really should stress over photos more… but I HATE taking them. By the time I’m ready to post a recipe they are stressors simply because I have to do it at all. Bah. Wait till you see the brown deliciouness I’m posting tomorrow. I swear it tastes better than it looks…

    If I start a “simple iPhone photography only” movement, will you make me pancakes again? ๐Ÿ˜‰

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      Haha! Omg, brown food is the WORST to photograph!! I hate it!

      Simple iPhone photography only huh? Do I get to use Instagram filters? ๐Ÿ˜‰

  14. Katie says:

    Guilty! Especially as a new blogger I am always stressing about my pictures, but your pancakes look AMAZING! Great inspiration.

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      Thank you Katie! And if there is one thing I can tell you from being around blogworld for a while now, it’s that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others…just do what you love and love what you do! ๐Ÿ˜‰

  15. I for one, still think you are the pancake goddess -all this does is show you are human, as well! Shoot-whenever I make pancakes I’m proud if I can even flip them and have at least one side not burnt! I actually have learned a lot from you -I think yours were among the first I created a few years back when I discovered that you could make pancakes without mix (just like how cakes used to only come from a box and beans only from a can). I thank you for all of the pancakey deliciousness you have shared, and I look forward to any future flapjacks you may flip, but for now have fun dappling in the realm of other fancy breakfasts!!

    Also, Laura, I only use my iPhone -mostly because it takes better pictures than my point and shoot and all I have to do is press the “edit” button and email it to myself. Simplicity.

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      Aww, thank you Lacey! I seriously have the biggest smile on my face right now! It makes me feel great to know that I helped inspire you a bit…and I’m totally digging the alliteration in the last bit of your comment! Obviously, more than just my pancake knowledge has rubbed off on you! ๐Ÿ˜‰

      And speaking of the iPhone, that’s actually all I used in the first few months of blogging because it was a HECK of a lot better than my little point and shoot I used to have! Honestly, thanks to Instagram, it’s even better than it used to be…I have to remind myself sometimes to break out the “big girl”! Lol

  16. Hahaha I love you (but you already knew that). I’m a total perfectionist over my pictures too. If I can’t get a good picture of something, chances are I won’t post the recipe. I’m actually planning on reposting some of my recipes from my earlier days of blogging so that I can include better pictures of them. ๐Ÿ˜›

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      Oh my gosh, I’ve totally thought of doing that too! Back when I was transferring a lot of my old recipes over to my Recipage, I started taking notes on which recipes needed to have better pictures. I know it’s not an absolute “must” but really, I mean, who is going to make a recipe of something if it looks like total crap?! Lol

  17. Emily says:

    Okay, the fact that you’ve managed to make create so many unbelievable pancake recipes AND capture gorgeous photos of them deserves an award. Seriously.
    Despite any fails that you may have had along the way, you’ve done more than most people do in a lifetime. Be proud of yourself for that. (:
    And I’m actually really happy that you’re taking a break right now- if that’s what you want, that’s what you should do! When you’re happy and stress-free, your posts reflect that and we LOVE it.

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      Oh Emily! Thank you so so much! I hope you know how amazingly heart-warming your words are! I definitely want to reflect my TRUE self in my posts and you are so right…having undue stress in my life is not going to help that one bit!

  18. Hey, if it stresses you out and causes anxiety, then you really should be stepping back! And the sheer amount of pancake recipes and gorgeous photos that you do have is all kinds of impressive, so be proud of those!
    I know I’m not particularly skilled when it comes to food photography, so I try not to stress over it too much. It is something I want to work on improving though!
    Lately, breakfasts are usually a green smoothie or oats and eggs. I did actually make a pancake this morning though!

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      Aww, thanks Sam! You’re right, I was just thinking about how many recipes I made last year…I definitely shouldn’t discount that at all! And what’s that? A pancake? As in just ONE?! Where were his friends?!?! Lol

  19. This post is so funny and I can definitely relate. I hate when recipes fail and normally I do get lucky. I also stress over my pictures… sometimes I have such luck with that too, but other times….not so much. I’ve been loving egg, sweet potato, honey, cinnamon and spinach scrambles topped with almond butter…. I know it sounds pretty strange, but it’s very tasty.

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      Sounds strange?! Please girl, you know who you’re talking to! Actually, as I was reading through each ingredient, I was more intrigued…sounds like a FABULOUS combo to me! :)

  20. I say it is your life & all about what works for you! :)

  21. Pancakes are such a pain in the a$$ to make, mine are hit or miss too if I try to stray from the standards, but I hope you are able to cook and eat them for you soon, no stress involved. And you can always ask the manfriend to make them for you. ๐Ÿ˜‰ <3

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      Well, being as I just taught him how to make French toast a couple of weeks ago, I think we’ll have to take some baby steps before we get to pancake flippin…unless they come from a box! ๐Ÿ˜‰ Haha!

  22. Angela says:

    wait so for those pancake fails you literally made them four times just to get the picture? holy! lol

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      Haha! No, not just to get the picture…but definitely to show the work that went in behind figuring out the problem! Just glad I FINALLY figured it out!

  23. Good for you for letting go of something that was adding stress! I’m in the middle of doing that myself. This week has been hell for me, but I’m moving forward and I know it’s the right thing to do…as sad as it is. Pancakes or no pancakes…I love you no matter what! xoxo

  24. Always do what’s best for you, Heather! Don’t ever forget it. Besides, you busted your booty making all of the fabulous recipes for us. Now it’s our turn to give them to YOU! Hope you enjoyed your weekend!

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      Oh Brittany, you always leave the sweetest comments! Thank you for brightening my day, love! xoxo

  25. Heather,
    Just because you’re the queen doesn’t mean you have to keep on doing something that doesn’t fill you up anymore.
    Life’s too short and all.

    My current breakfast obsession is greens and eggs. I posted the sautรฉed beet greens with sherry vinegar, but I’m also baking kale, sausage, and eggs or sautรฉing Swiss chard and eggs. It’s an obsession, and it uses the greens and eggs from the CSA farm share.

    I don’t recommend you go down that road, however, because then the whole yolk porn stress comes into play.

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      Oh yes, the dreaded yolk porn stress…I had my fair share of that a few months ago when I went through my little egg & cheese phase! Lol But you are totally right, Kirsten, life is TOO short to spend time doing (or eating) something that doesn’t fill you up (ohh, a little pun…I love it!).

      PS: Kale, sausage, and eggs sounds perfect right now…I think you should come over and make me breakfast…and then stay for dinner and make pizza!! ๐Ÿ˜‰

  26. Oh crap, and I just tagged you as the pancake queen earlier tonight on Instagram. Opens mouth, inserts foot. Sorry buddy, I hadn’t read this little ditty yet. No matter, I will read and love your blog, pancakes or not. Quite frankly, I like seeing you go on other benders…like salads, cereal, eggs, cheese…mmmm, cheese. At the end of the day, food is like exercise. It’s seasonal and cyclical so do and eat what makes you happy. The rest will follow.
    P.S. Sometimes I deliberately post a picture I’m less than thrilled with just to prove to myself the world won’t end. Plus, it’s good to Ef with my neurosis every once in awhile.

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      Aww, you can still call me the Pancake Queen! I truly hope that my little hiatus doesn’t spur a rebellion and subsequent overthrowing of my reign! I promise I’ll come back eventually!! And ha! Thanks for reminding me of my obsessive personality…can you believe after all that egg porn a few months ago, I haven’t cooked a single runny yolk in like TWO MONTHS?! Hmm, wonder how long my little “salad phase” will last! ๐Ÿ˜‰

      “…Food is like exercise. Itโ€™s seasonal and cyclical so do and eat what makes you happy.” <- Seriously, I LOVE THIS!!

  27. Oh girl, I feel you! But do you want to know something? Pancakes totally trump me. I either make a giant mess when flipping them, burn them, not cook them all the way through or they just look like flat piles of gross. So I admit defeat and make friends with breakfast bakes (we’re more like lovers since I eat them everyday) they are seriously fool proof – throw them in the oven and wait til they’re cooked – then you have a perfectly fluffy delicious breakfast!

    As for photos, I’m a perfectionist too – and winter makes me dread photographing food because the lighting is awful – especially when it’s raining!

    Go make one of my breakfast bakes! (I suggest the chocolate protein bakes or the banana soufflรฉ bake – or the latest one!) and don’t think for a second about calories, fat etc – just trust me that their nutritionals are stellar and they taste AMAZING! I’m seriously addicted…. I probably need a BBAA (breakfast bake addicts anonymous) sponsor!

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      Oh Geez, don’t even get me STARTED on winter weather! Only one more reason to despise the season! Haha! And ohh, your breakfast bakes…they all look absolutely amazing, but you KNOW my obsession with peanut flour, that chocolate protein one is calling my name on SO many levels!! Hold me to it darlin’…I’ve GOT to make this!

      PS, I couldn’t help but laugh while thinking about your pancake flopping…reminds me of all my waffle diasters! Guess we can’t all be good at everything, huh? ๐Ÿ˜‰

  28. I feel for ya girl! Being a perfectionist is the worst! You are very much forgiven for your pancake hiatus. The number of times I have cried over a failed recipe or poor quality pictures is absurd so know you’re in the same boat :)

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      Thank you Davida! So glad to know I’m not the only one who struggles with perfectionism in this aspect!

  29. purelytwins says:

    oh girl take your pancake break :) you will get back into it when the moment is right! and oh yes we stress over our recipe pictures. we try not too as we are not the best photographers, we try to just have fun with it. but we do have high standards and sometimes those standards are not met. not a fun feeling but it happens.
    HUGS

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      Thanks girls!! That makes me feel SO much better! It’s good to know I’m not the only one who has high expectations for myself. I’ve been working on it over the past few weeks and I think I’m starting to find a bit more balance…I’ve just been focussing more on the recipe and the food and less on the set up and photography of it. I snap a few pictures from a few different angles and call it done…instead of nearly 100 pictures from 100 angles! Oh how I wish I were exaggerating! ๐Ÿ˜‰

  30. I loved this! I hate when I make something and it just WORKS but then I recreate it trying to remember what I did the first time and it’s an epic fail!
    Oh girl, I sob over photos. A lot. Too much. My K.A. post I worked on (yes, that’s abbreviated and code) I sat there crying on the floor, then a piece of cake flipped and fell on the floor making it worse! And Steve kept telling me that the pictures were beautiful. And I kept telling him I ruined them all. Ha. Oh gosh.

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      Oh honey!! I of course didn’t see all the pictures, but the ones you posted were INSANE!! So gorgeous! I can completely understand where you’re coming from though…we are our own worst critics…unfortunately in EVERYTHING we do! Add it to the list of the one million other things we need to work on, huh? Lol

  31. You know I don’t stress over my pictures… and it shows. Whoops! Your pancakes always have me drooling. Right now, I’m loving smoothies for breakfast! So filling with some Plant Fusion in there!

  32. Yes, I sometimes stress over my pictures… but mine look like total butt compared to yours! I think yours always look so amazing & delicious! So sorry about all the pancake fails… we all have them. I’m still obsessed with my flax pancakes… eat them almost daily. All I want is pancakes every day. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    • kissmybroccoli says:

      Ahhh, you just reminded me that I still need to try your flax cakes! It’s been a while since I’ve even had a craving for a pancake…didn’t think it was possible, but I guess I just burnt myself out on them. But I assure you, as soon as I get a taste for them again, YOURS will be the first ones I make…and of course, I’ll definitely have to try your new cinnamon ones! ๐Ÿ˜€

      And please, your cakes always make my mouth water…and that’s all that really counts, right?

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