Alternative post title: That Time I Joined the Brown Food Club
Alright guys, it’s time I came clean.
I ate cereal for two out of my three meals THREE days last week. 😯
I’ve started convincing myself that “making” a pizza homemade consists of throwing mozzarella balls on a frozen pizza.
And coming from a self-proclaimed oatmeal connoisseur, this is just embarrassing BUT I’m sorry, there’s just something about warm strawberry oats mixed with plain Greek yogurt topped with peanuts…that’s ready in like two minutes.
Three words: ghetto grilled cheese
Explanation: Toast bread -> sandwich cheese between toast -> microwave -> consume.
Statement made in my defense: I only do this at work when I don’t have access to a stove.
And I dunked that ghetto grilled cheese in a big ol’ mug of CANNED tomato soup!
When I DO actually make soup from “scratch” it involves throwing precooked meatballs and everything else in my kitchen in a soup pot, simmering it for an hour, and then eating dinner at midnight.
And all the eggs I’ve eaten over the last few weeks have been scrambled (because it’s quicker) and sandwiched between two slices of bread with mayo (because I lack creativity it reminds me of my childhood).
So yeah, I’ve gotten in a rut. I haven’t cooked…I mean REALLY cooked in ages. I can’t actually remember the last time I had a green leafy vegetable. But I have been blowing up my Pinterest boards with soups and easy one-pot dishes so hopefully soon, I’ll dig out on of my sauce pans, and uncover my kitchen mojo. Until then…I’ll be over here, ya know, perfecting my semi-homemade skills! 😉
I have just finished working 3,180 minutes in the last five days. For all you mathematically challenged folks out there, that would be 53 hours. I have the next four and a HALF days off and I have absolutely nothing to do…no plans, no chores, NOTHING!
Now normally, working 10-11 hour shifts five days in a row would leave me with a mountain of laundry, dirty dishes, and an empty fridge, but not this time! While my fridge may still be more populated by condiments (and wine) than actual FOOD, you and I both know I could live for years out of my pantry…and really, I’ve been living off of cereal lately anyhow. But no, what I’m really yammering on about is the fact that I was able to knock out ALL of my chores, hit up TWO grocery stores, ran to Target, bought a step-ladder, found a dead mouse, AND still managed to get a solid EIGHT HOURS OF SLEEP every night day!
Oh wait, what was that about the dead mouse…? 😯
Long story short, many many months ago, the light in my pantry quit working. It’s the kind of attic-type light with a pulley down chain thingy (I told you to call me Super Woman, not an electrician). It felt like something was wrong/caught in the chain, but since I still have no kitchen table (with chairs that I could climb up on), I had no way to get up there. So I came home the other day with my little step-ladder ready to do a little DIY-ing…
I removed the bulb, unscrewed the fixture from the ceiling, and reached up
WITH MY BARE HANDS to find…
Uhhhh…yeah!
Remember when I had problems with mice last winter? Well, after I had the pest control people come out, I haven’t had any problems. I guess this poor little loser got lost on the way out…and got electrocuted in the process. 😯
Now, while I’d LOVE to say I put on my big girl pants and did what needed to be done, in actuality, I screamed a lot, washed my hands five times, ran around the house repeating, “oh ma god, oh ma god, oh ma gahhhhhhhd!” Then I proceeded to Snapchat it to everyone I know, call my dad, and whine/text to my sister…who I will confess actually had to be the one to get rid of the little vermin.
Yaaaaahuuuuuflabbalaaaagahhhhuhhhhh!
But back to MY super human abilities! Because while Tori does deserve a medal for sister of the year, I’d like to see her…
Wash AND FOLD two never-ending loads of laundry.
Empty the dishwasher AND reload it.
Sweep the kitchen.
Clean the ENTIRE bathroom including the shower of doom.
And STILL have time to…
Spend 15 minutes picking out one freakin’ carton of milk…
While also catching up on emails.
Responding to blog comments from the last 3 weeks (whoops!).
Painting her nails.
AND scheduling a massage for this coming Saturday!
And that, my friends, is why I get the cape! 😀
But I could never claim to conquer all my feats with a scrub brush and a debit card alone. Oh no…I have to take a minute to thank my faithful sidekicks…
Who have asked to be referred to as the Pink Ladies!
In yo’ FACE, insomnia!
And now, to enjoy my four and a half day weekend! 😀
What has been your super power this week?
If you could have any super power in the world, what would it be?
First off, I just want to say that I was a total goober in my last post and forgot to say a big HA-YUUUGE thank you for all the beautiful comments, encouragements, and social media shares for my rant on dieting propaganda last week. It took more than a few drafts to get all those thoughts out and I’m just glad to see that my point came out the way I had intended. Life was meant to be lived…without needless rules and guilt and body shaming. Hoo-RAAAAH!
Whew, sorry…still can’t help but get fired up. BUT this week, we’re taking things in a less serious direction…because I’m short on time and because I’ve had a few more squirrel moments in the last week or so that I feel I need to share.
BUT FIRST! Did anyone catch the lunar eclipse yesterday morning? I got lucky enough to see it before going to bed and was just in awe.
Definitely gave my sunset collection some competition. Now, if only I knew how the hell to work my camera so that I could take pictures at night! Ha!
Though I have to say the iPhone does a pretty good job when it comes to city lights. I took this shot just outside the War Memorial Auditorium where I saw Skrillex play last week….which was freaking AWESOME! I now know what people mean when they talk about the rave experience. The energy, the…the…well, you just HAVE to be there!
In case you were wondering, I am now a self-proclaimed Oreo taste-tester. Whatever I can do to help all my fellow foodies out there ya know. These aren’t quite as good as the pumpkin ones, but I will say the flavor is spot on and mind-BLOWING!
Oh hi there, Rapunzel! Can you BELIEVE how long my hair’s gotten? Hard to believe I cut over a foot of it off just over two years ago, huh? I was going to donate again this year, but…well, I’m kinda digging the curls.
Say hello to the BEST DAMN SUSHI ROLL EVER…aka the “Under Control Roll” from Ichiban Japanese Steakhouse. Inside: peppered tuna, avocado, asparagus. Outside: SEARED salmon and tuna, wasabi mayo and eel sauce. Oh my god you guys, my head almost exploded! And I felt no shame whatsoever when primal sounds kept escaping from my lips just before I picked the plate up and licked it clean.
Question: How many different outfits, hairstyles, and/or personalities can I come up with before the employees at Publix figure out what I’m doing when I show up for lunch next Saturday?
And because I just downloaded Sir Sly’s album before I started typing this post and have now listened to it TWICE, I’m sharing my favorite song…special thanks to my music soulmate for turning me on to these guys!
Now hop on over to Spoons and see what everyone else has got going in and around their heads this week!
What’s the BEST thing (like, slap yo mama good) you’ve eaten this week?
Whatcha think of that post title…you like it don’tcha? 😉
My name is Heather! I'm a southern gal with a passion for food, fitness, and photography...and alliteration if you didn't notice! Here you'll find a mix of random musings, delicious recipes, and hopefully a chuckle or two! Check out my "About' tab to learn more!
