Lasagnas are like ogres…

Onions are like lasagnas?

Oniony ogres have cheesy layers?

Are Ogres considered vegetarian?? I mean, they ARE green!

Wait a minute, wait a minute…seriously, Heather? FOCUS!

There, THAT’S better! 

In all my twenty-eight years, I have made a traditional lasagna ONCE. It was from an old Food Network chef who shall remain anonymous…but whose name may or may not rhyme with Mobin Riller. 😉 I had just discovered the world of healthy eating and was all about ditching the “junk” food for ya know, the REALLY healthy stuff…like fat-free cardboard fragments shredded cheese and that ground turkey that once cooked, resembles dried grout…oh and I was so excited ’cause I was in the kitchen being all domesticated and stuff!

That lasagna was a beast…a nine by eleven inch, feed-the-freakin’-Brady-Bunch, BEAST! I followed the recipe to a TEE. I set out to make what seemed guaranteed to be a week of amazing leftovers dinners. I meticulously layered my fat-free grout turkey, fat-free noodles, fat-free cheese, and fat-free kitchen sink…so afraid I’d mess up the order causing the entire pan to I don’t know, spontaneously combust?! FINALLY, into the oven it went! After an hour of anxious waiting, I pulled out tha’ beast, carefully carved out a slice, took a big ol’ bite annnnnnd?

I’d have been better off with one of those frozen slit-the-film-and-pop-in-the-oven “mystery” meals. Somehow with a heavy amount of hot sauce, I managed to get through a couple more servings that week, but sadly the rest turned into a mystery meal of its own in the dark depths of my fridge.

Needless to say, I was scarred for life a little hesitant to try lasagna-making again. But after whipping up my SUPER EASY pasta sauce last week, I could NOT get the idea out of my head. And well, since I’ve never really been a big fan of pasta (bread is my drug carb of choice), it only made sense to finally check something off the kitchen bucket list and make an eggplant version!

Originally, I had planned on this being just a simple eggplant and ricotta lasagna, but once I got started? Well, I started getting a little bilingual again! 😉

So in went some roasted portobello caps, a bag of kale I found in the back of the freezer, and heck, I even went wild and mixed two different kinds of FULL FAT cheese! As far as  how the meticulousness of layering everything went? Yeah, I screwed that up after the third ingredient!

So when the recipe says “layer” your ingredients, I really just mean turn up the music, do a little twirl and just start throwing sh!t in the pan…because nothing’s gonna matter once that baby’s covered in cheese…warm and melty, crisp on the edges, mouth-gaaaaaasmic cheese!

Oh damn, sorry about that! Umm, I may need a moment…but yeah, you guys check out this DELICIOUS recipe! I’m uh, gonna go get a room plate and start FORKING some leftovers! 😉

Serves six if you pair it with a cool, crisp salad and/or some toasty garlic bread, or four if you’d rather just FORK yourself into a cheesy FOOD-COMA…like me! 😉

Have you ever made a lasagna?

Ever tried a famous recipe that turned out to be horrible?