I hope you’re all having a FANTASTIC week!
It’s been a while since I’ve done a “thoughts” post, but honestly, I just have so much more to add to my Marvelous NOT Modest post that it just made sense! At the end of Monday’s post, I asked you guys to tell me what makes YOU marvelous. Unfortunately, I only got one response. I’m hoping this has more to do with the distraction of all that food porn and not a reflection of how you see yourselves, but regardless, this has been on my mind ALL week.
If I can sum it up in one sentence (and picture) it’s this…
The SECRET to true HAPPINESS is SELF LOVE.
Last week, my coaching program with Jamie came to an end. As I rattled on and on about the latest goings on in my life, of course I had to tell her all about my Yoplait adventures 😉 but I also shared a few thoughts I’ve had since coming home from my trip…
I ate too much.
I drank too much.
I slept too little!
But for the FIRST time ever, there was NO GUILT!
I had fun at Blend, but I’ll admit, I missed out a lot of the experience because I was so stuck in my head…overanalyzing my thoughts and actions and frankly, just beating myself up, but my time in Minneapolis was the exact OPPOSITE and I know why…
I have FINALLY learned to LOVE myself.
Jamie used to have to remind me to not be so negative all the time, to speak to myself as I would a child, to forgive my
failures mistakes setbacks and move on, but thanks to YEARS of being a perfectionist, I really had a hard time making that stick.
My breaking point was when she gave me my last homework assignment. Every day, before getting into the shower, I was to strip down, stand in front of a mirror, look at my WHOLE self and then repeat three special words…
Well, it took nearly FIVE minutes to get the words out the first time without tears welling in my eyes. THAT my friends, is how broken I still was…how much I hated myself. But the exercise got easier…and easier…and then FINALLY things just started to click!
All of a sudden, setbacks didn’t set ME back as much as they did before. I was taking things in stride. When I would have instances of overeating in the past, I would be totally stumped as to the reasons behind them and just start labeling certain foods as the “enemy”…further affirming my thoughts that I couldn’t trust myself. That of course would lead me to a LOT of negative self-talk and DAYS of bingeing in a way to punish myself. Now I can clearly seen the reasons behind the times I push my limits…a lack of sleep…a bout of frustration…a FUN moment of distraction with friends.
But NOW I don’t dwell on these reasons. I accept them and move on!
Last weekend was definite proof of my progress. All of that indulgence, overeating, AND baking (the old me would have never even baked a cake to begin with because I wouldn’t have trusted myself around it) in the past, would have left the me with a ton of guilt and of course, the downward spiral would ensue, but you know what? I didn’t even give a second thought to most of my choices over those few days. In fact, I was just there, in the moment…and so was the food…and for a change, I actually felt NORMAL!
So let me just serve as an example. The journey to healing your relationship with food has NOTHING to do with food at all…it’s about healing the relationship with YOURSELF. It’s about self-forgiveness. It’s about self-acceptance.